Couples sit tight in recession

The recession, rather than Cupid, is having more say in Kiwis' love lives as the credit crunch makes couples think twice about marrying - or divorcing.

Both marriage and divorce rates have steadily declined in the past three decades, as more couples put money before marriage - and choose to work on a relationship before losing out on a costly divorce.

Latest statistics show divorce rates have more than halved in the past 26 years. Last year 9700 couples were divorced compared with 21,900 in 1982. In the same period, marriage rates dropped by 12 per cent, with 21,900 couples marrying last year compared with 25,500 in 1982.

The only bright spot for the romantics is that the number of marriages has stayed steady, at around 20,000-21,000, over the past decade.

Relationship experts say the dreaded d-word is thrown around less and less as couples wait longer to marry, can't afford to get divorced, and are more willing to undergo counselling to repair a relationship.

Psychotherapist Nathan Gaunt said people were no longer getting married as a "last ditch effort" to save their relationships, instead waiting until they had found the right person and taken control of their finances.

He said the rate of divorce would continue to decline as long as it was socially acceptable for a couple to admit they were having problems.

"The economy plays a huge part in marriage and divorces," he said. "A lot of people can't afford to get married at the moment, and they also can't afford to get divorced.

"Some couples can't survive halving their assets so instead they stick it out for a while."

A shift in culture meant it was more acceptable to get counselling, read self-help books and talk to friends.

However, he said, many young couples still viewed relationships as being something they could throw away.

"People are happy to wait and, coupled with financial priorities, marriage often gets pushed down the list."

A change in New Zealand's ethnic makeup could also have had an impact on divorce rates, as families from different ethnic backgrounds often frown upon divorce, Gaunt said.

Relationship counsellor Margaret Cleary said she was seeing more young couples in their 20s who had been married for only a few years, rather than wait 10 years before seeking help.

Cleary believes the recession will not help couples already experiencing problems.

"If a relationship's not working, a recession won't help," she said. "It's a huge thing to say the recession will break people up, but if you don't have communication during all your financial worries, it could put a death bell on it."

Although marriage and divorce numbers might be dropping for normal couples, celebrities appear to be bucking the trend.

Last week news broke of broadcaster Tony Veitch and his wife Zoe Halford separating, following the year of media attention around allegations Veitch assaulted his former partner, Kristin Dunne-Powell.

In April, Woman's Day reported Mikey Havoc and former Shortland Street star Claire Chitham called it a day, only a month after a photoshoot in another magazine.

Earlier this year, Mayor of Wanganui Michael Laws separated from his partner Leonie Brookhammer.

Internationally, the list of high profile divorces runs on: Peter Andre and Jordan, Mel Gibson and Robyn Moore.

Cleary said celebrities had a tougher time keeping a relationship together, as each hiccup was scrutinised by fans.