Her eyes are enormous. She looks like a startled bird; albeit a bird with the gorgeous, flowing locks of Rapunzel, the high-pitched giggle of Tinkerbell, and a name so irritatingly Disney-fied it makes my stomach churn: Zoella.
Zoella is a beauty and fashion vlogger - the latest creation spat out by the YouTube machine to instruct young girls how to paint on the perfect smoky eye or red lip.
As her subscriber count sky-rocketed, Zoella - real name Zoe Sugg - began to offer more than beauty advice to her young admirers. She has vlogged about her anxiety and recently joined mental-health charity Mind as a digital ambassador. She now has a Penguin book deal, a bespoke beauty range, and two Teen Choice awards to her name, but continues to upload videos to her YouTube channel in which she squeals with excitement over new brands of mascara. She is the epitome of a 21st-century social media megastar - an inspiration to tween girls, and not just because she's trodden an easy-peasy path to fame and fortune.
Unfortunately, Zoe's (sorry, Zoella sticks in my throat and on my keyboard) particular brand of sickly sweet girl power brings me out in hives.
At the 2014 Teen Choice awards, where she was named the Choice Web Star: Fashion/Beauty, she told a reporter that if she could give her teenage followers one piece of advice, it would be to fret less about their appearance. "When you're younger you worry about so many things that you don't need to worry about like image, appearance," she coos to the camera, without an ounce of irony in her singsong voice, as though unaware that she's forged an entire career by prattling on to young girls about how to look good.