Torbay mum Tasha Maloney wants "real experiences" over PlayStation and computers for her children. Photo / Jason Dorday
Torbay mum Tasha Maloney wants "real experiences" over PlayStation and computers for her children. Photo / Jason Dorday
As the new school year starts, a groundbreaking study is charting the hopes and dreams of expectant parents with the inspirational goal of tracking children’s paths from before birth until they are adults
An Indian dancer, an All Black. Ten fingers and toes, a mother's nose. A bent for the arts and a sense of morality. Simply, good health.
These are brief snapshots of the hopes and dreams of Kiwi parents-to-be; aspirations expressed in the weeks before their new child made an appearance in the world.
A baby is a tiny receptacle of promise; a cuddly bundle of opportunities waiting to be realised.
Now a groundbreaking New Zealand study of 1,000 mums and dads has captured what they want for their children's futures.
And the study's authors will chart the children's progress for more than 20 years to analyse lives in the 21st century and what shapes them.
One of the lead authors, Auckland University professor Elizabeth Peterson, says the wishes of today's parents-to-be will be held up against the light of reality as the children grow and develop.
"We will be able to explore the extent to which their parents' early hopes and dreams become realities and what factors may enable the children to flourish."
The study, Growing Up in New Zealand, will eventually involve about 7,000 children followed from birth to adulthood.
The first phase - interviews with expectant mums and partners at 36 weeks of pregnancy - shows parents' wishes and expectations are as varied as human nature.
One parent said they hoped their child would grow up "with the belief in themselves that it's okay to be different".
Another father hoped his child would "achieve a good education, play Union, get a good career, and respect all others".
Some wanted a love for the outdoors and others placed their hopes in a wider context: they wanted the child to grow up in a world without violence.
Often - and particularly for mothers - there were more tangible hopes for the first few months. They wanted a baby who was easy and would sleep well.
But a common thread throughout, by far the most-quoted aspiration, was health and happiness.
Peterson says the study, published in Australian journal Family Matters, lays the groundwork for analysis of whether parents' early hopes and dreams for their children are realised, and how these hopes change over time.
"One of the main aims for the research is to identify how we can best build resilient families," says Peterson.
"We will look at issues such as health, cultural identity and other factors to determine how these things influence a child."
Torbay mum Tasha Maloney is 27 weeks pregnant with her third child, a girl, and already has two boys.
"It's the fundamental things, really. I want her to be able to have fun, to have good, strong relationships with people, to have real experiences in the world."
Maloney says these "real experiences" will take precedence over computers and PlayStations.
"We live in such a nice location and spend a lot of time at the beach. We will continue to do this when my daughter is born.
"It's an important part of growing up in New Zealand."
She says she has different concerns about raising a daughter in New Zealand than she did for the boys. "I have taught my sons to be robust and resilient, to be extremely self-sufficient. Boys need to be strong as they are growing up," she says.
She wants her daughter to have these qualities as well, "but I'm sure I'll be a bit softer with her".
Maloney had older brothers when she was growing up, which she feels made her confident and able to stand up for herself. She hopes her daughter will have the same experience.
She wants her to be aware she has the same opportunities as a female that she would have as a male.
"I want her to be aware of the fact that she can do anything. That nothing is off limits to her because of her gender."
Study participants were recorded describing in detail what was at the forefront of their mind.
Peterson says a number of responses stood out for her. "One mother hoped her child 'doesn't hate me'.
"Another mother hoped her child wasn't bullied at school, as she had been. I found those responses very moving."
The participants spanned cultures and socio-economic groups, but there was a common thread to the answers.
"We found that today's expectant parents talk a lot about maximising their child's individual potential," says Peterson.
But another important marker of societal wellbeing wasn't at the top of the list. "There were relatively few comments about wanting the child to be a good citizen or contribute to the greater good of society," says Peterson.
She cautions against reading too much into this, given "it may be that these qualities were further from the parents' minds at this stage in their child's life".
Kindness, compassion and being a "good citizen" are key factors in creating a strong society, she says.
"Being able to work together as a community is going to be extremely important in the future, so it will be interesting to see if parents make this more of a priority as their children are growing up.
"And hopefully, documenting parental aspirations for their children will help to support their dreams for their children being actualised."
Thank you mother, thank you father
Broods, Pop stars
Caleb and Georgia were musical from an early age. Photo / Dean Purcell
Garry and Paulette Nott say if their son dedicated as much time to school work as he did to his guitar he could have been a brilliant mathematician.
It's a good thing for New Zealand's music scene he didn't. Caleb Nott, 22, and younger sister Georgia, 20, form last year's breakout music success Broods.
Paulette remembers the trepidation of becoming a mum for the first time. She and her husband were aware they were embarking on the biggest, most important job they would have. But it was not their priority to breed stars of the future.
"It has not been about careers but about family," says Paulette.
Once healthy babies arrived and the family environment was in place, the Notts say they adapted their parenting to cater to the different personalities of their children - the couple also have Olivia, 18, and Tegan, 13.
"Your hopes and aspirations change as they grow up and you adapt to create opportunities for them," says Garry.
Caleb and Georgia - who as the Broods won best breakthrough album at last year's New Zealand music awards and have been signed by labels in the UK and US - were musical from an early age. Their parents say they saw the gift and nurtured it, but are quick to thank others who played a huge part in encouraging the pair.
The Broods released a tribute to their parents with the song Mother and Father, which Paulette describes as "pretty rewarding".
She says parents should go with the flow.
"Encourage them to give 100 per cent in whatever they choose to do - and choose to enjoy your kids."
Dan Carter was a quiet kid, says his dad. Photo / Jason Oxenham
Neville Carter was always a rugby man. He played 250 games for Southbridge Rugby Club and did a lot of coaching, so son Dan was always immersed in the sport.
But Neville made sure not to force his son into the game, believing children should find their own way in the world.
"Each child is an individual. It's important not to push your dreams on them as they will come up with their own," he says.
Instead, Neville and wife Bev tried to instil the right values in Dan, now 32, and daughter Sarah, 34, as they grew up in semi-rural Canterbury: work hard, respect others, stay humble.
But sport rubbed off.
There were goalposts in the back yard, rugby practice from the age of 5, cricket games at school.
"Dan was a quiet kid, keeping to himself and always practising his beloved sports. "Rugby and cricket were the key factors in his life."
Neville says worldwide fame as an All Black was never an early aspiration for the boy who would become the world's best first-five.
"Our hopes for him were pretty simple, really - for him to do well in his life, stay healthy and enjoy life," he says.
Neville believes New Zealand used to be a wonderful place to bring up kids, but he's worried the halcyon days may be over. "New Zealand has changed," he says.
"The youth of today seem to have lost respect for their elders and law enforcement.
"There are more demands on sporting personalities in playing well and being a role model."
And he has simple yet sage advice for new parents.
"Don't push your dreams on them and make sure to give them as much love and guidance as you can along the way."
Amelia Reid, Actor
Amelia Reid's dad says she revealed her acting talents at an early age.
Amelia Reid and her older brother Toby would join their dad, Bill, on his helicopter adventures over Nelson. He'd dip down into inaccessible slopes, dropping his children off to heli-ski through the back country.
Better known as Shortland Street admissions clerk Bella Cooper, Amelia spent her early years on a 40ha farm 30km out of Nelson.
Her dad ran the chopper business, frequently taking his kids on adventures most children could only dream of. For imaginative, active Amelia, now 27, it was a slice of heaven.
"It was a beautiful place to grow up," she says. "We had acres and acres to explore. We built amazing tree huts and roamed free."
Bill laughs as he remembers the boundless freedom of his children's early years.
"They were driving Land Rovers and riding motorbikes before the age of 10. OSH would never let you get away with it now."
He says although he didn't have an overriding sense of particular values he wanted to instil in his children, there were key lessons they learned from farm life.
"I guess that my wife Robyn and I wanted to teach the children the joys of the rural life," he says.
"They had a lot of freedom to roam. Yes, that can help them develop self-sufficiency."
He says Amelia revealed her acting talents at an early age. "We have old family footage from the late 80s/early 90s of Amelia acting in front of the camera - she always had a talent for it."
