Breaking down past failures can empower you to create a more effective plan for change. Photo / 123RF
Breaking down past failures can empower you to create a more effective plan for change. Photo / 123RF
Understanding exactly how things go awry at a granular level will help you do better next time and help you grow.
Setting a goal to do better, especially in the form of a New Year’s resolution, can often inspire eye-rolling cynicism, in ourselves and others, given that mostresolutions lead to disappointment. (About 80% of people who vow to get more fit stop going to the gym a year later.)
In my psychotherapy practice and my own life, I notice that when it comes to making positive changes, it’s all too easy to weave between the unhelpful extremes of oversimplifying what it takes to alter our habits and giving up on ourselves.
For instance, you decide you want to become more of a morning person and vow to wake up an hour earlier than usual. But in your enthusiasm, you forget that you also need to commit to a reasonable bedtime.
By glossing over the details of what it takes to reach your goal, you may find yourself exhausted and hitting snooze, as a nagging thought tries to convince you that you’re just not cut out to wake up before 8am.
There’s a better way - doing a chain analysis, a technique from dialectical behaviour therapy, an evidence-based approach designed to help people who struggle with intense emotions and impulsivity.
A chain analysis involves looking at a past setback with compassion and curiosity, with the aim of distilling takeaways that will help you try again, but more strategically, leaving you with a dose of empowerment and hope.
How to do a chain analysis
To break that down a bit, focus on a goal you’ve slipped up on before (and, let’s face it, even the most disciplined among us slip up). Instead of giving into the abstinence violation effect - the tendency to take an all-or-nothing approach and assume that when we fail, we simply don’t have what it takes to persevere - grab a sheet of paper and try the exercise below. It will help you rewind the tape of what happened when you failed, detail by detail.
Fold the paper in half vertically, then use the left side of the page to jot down your vulnerability factors, or the things that preceded your slip.
For instance, maybe you promised yourself that you would get to bed (and wake up) earlier, but instead neglected to stop mindlessly scrolling social media because you didn’t set a specific time to put your phone aside so you could wind down.
About 80% of people abandon fitness goals within a year of starting. Photo / 123RF
Identify the prompting event
Next, take a look at the prompting event, the moment where you went from possibly to definitely deviating from your plan to wake up earlier, in this case, hitting snooze when the alarm went off at 7am.
Trace the links
Then take some time to pinpoint the various links, or the thoughts, feelings and actions that took you from the prompting event to your problem behaviour, or the actions that caused you to miss your goal.
For instance, maybe, as you lay in bed, you were thinking, “It’s too much … I can’t … why bother …”
Reflecting on past failures boosts your capacity to make meaningful changes. Photo / 123RF
Notice the consequences
Finally, notice the consequences of your behaviour, which may be feeling less hopeful about achieving your resolution and a little guilty and even antsy because you’ve started your day feeling rushed and behind.
Generate solutions
Now, here’s where freedom starts to flow. Return to each step - each one a fallen domino leading to your goal detour - and generate solutions wherever possible, jotting these down on the right side of your list.
Think: set a bedtime alarm, stow away your phone, buy a book to read before bed instead of scrolling on the phone, and remind yourself that any discouraging thoughts you have before 7am are not to be noticed or acted on.
By generating thoughtful solutions at various junctures, you now have a whole host of solutions that are both more effective and more compassionate than dismissing the complexity of change or your capacity to thrive with a better plan.
You will also be reminded that enduring change hinges on thoughtfulness and repeated effort, things we can all work toward, regardless of how many times we have slipped.
One of my favourite facts to share with patients who feel discouraged after stumbling on the path to change is that a history of trying to quit and relapsing actually improved the likelihood of ultimately quitting, a study on smoking cessation showed.
Much like learning to walk, repeatedly picking yourself up and persisting are essential to growth.
Research shows repeated attempts to quit smoking improve the odds of eventual success. Photo / 123RF
Regardless of what your hope is, whether it’s being less snippy with those you care about, eating more mindfully, prioritising your sleep or cutting down on your procrastination, understanding exactly how things go awry at a granular level will help you do better next time and help you grow.
Soon, you will notice that the same factors show up again and again - warning signs that are easier to heed if you only pay attention to them - and you’ll be on your way to creating meaningful change that transforms how you live and how you view your ability to change for the better.
Jenny Taitz, PsyD, ABPP, is a clinical psychologist and an assistant clinical professor in psychiatry at the University of California at Los Angeles. She is the author of Stress Resets: How to Soothe Your Body and Mind in Minutes, How to be Single and Happy, and End Emotional Eating.
