KEY POINTS:
A quiz quiz for those who want to be considered sexy. First question: what should you wear? A) A little black dress. B) High heels. C) A low-cut top and a belt-sized mini skirt. D) Something more elegant.
Unfortunately the answer is: who really knows? Sexy is not a word often used with any seriousness in fashion and sometimes it feels as if it's almost irrelevant. Far more important are terms such as cutting-edge, fashion-forward and on-trend.
Human beings use clothing to signal certain unspoken, visual codes in the race to find a sexual partner. Never mind fashion-forward, it's all about the best way to get a pash on New Year's Eve down at Mt Maunganui.
All of which makes you wonder about fashion's true impact on dressing to get lucky - dress shapes and trendy colours change, but you'd assume that a really little, little black dress would stand the test of time.
It's nice to think we could rise above that but it's possible that as a species we will never get over stereotypical sexy.
Movements in popular culture, including fashionable ones, have an impact on what we perceive as sexy. If you take a look at the history of lingerie, there's plenty of material there to argue for fashion's influence on what we consider sexy. In the 1870s bustles made butts the erogenous zone for some time. The corset and the crinoline emphasised the waist. In the 1920s, a boyish, flattened figure was all the rage. But in the 30s we were back to finding a cinched waist attractive.
Browsing through pin-up girl pictures or even pornographic postcards from last century makes you realise that definitions of sexy have changed along with movements in fashion and popular culture.
Last century's lusty hottie was a size 12 at least, if not a curvaceous 14, and came with all her body hair intact. This century's perfectly defoliated size 10 fulfils fantasies.
Let's talk specifics. That is, do blokes really notice things like designer dresses and whether the woman of their dreams is on-trend tonight?
One recent internet-based discussion about whether men notice if women wear expensive shoes, suggested most of the male respondents did not. They pay attention to whether a shoe looks pretty, whether it's attractive and clean and whether she looks as if she took care with her outfit.
For those women who just spent over $500 on a pair of shoes, it is sad but true that what the guys won't notice - and probably never will - is which brand of shoes you're wearing and whether you're actually fashionable or not.
Another survey, commissioned by American TV show Today, came up with more evidence that your typical bloke doesn't necessarily notice fashion. Only 30 per cent of the 1000 men surveyed preferred their girls with makeup and half of them preferred no makeup at all. A whopping 69 per cent didn't think breast implants were sexy. And the younger the guy, the more natural they preferred their ladies to be.
All of which brings us no closer to figuring out how to ensure some handsome devil meets your lips these holidays.
Perhaps the best compromise happens when fashion meets the stereotypically sexy. Recent runway shows both here and overseas have been straddling that line in a not-particularly-subtle way. Much-feted British newcomer Christopher Kane had his models clad in skin-tight, fluoro-coloured mini dresses with crazy lace panels - a sort of Balenciaga-meets-Westie-barmaid look. And the other name that's being bandied about for next winter is Azzedine Alaia, whose clothes are a throwback to the 80s.
This designer was well-known for figure-hugging jersey dresses in sophisticated colours, and several local designers went for this look during the last New Zealand Fashion Week. The Jaimie label was particularly keen on this look after a summer of boyfriend clothes.
So if you turn up to the party in one of those bright-pink Christopher Kane dresses, hot guys and fashion-obsessed women will notice your style.
We took an informal poll among several average New Zealand blokes and asked them what sort of things a girl should wear if she wants to get lucky of an evening.
First, you'll need a dress.
"If there were hot twins and one was wearing tracksuit pants and the other one a dress, then I'd go for the twin in the dress," they all agreed.
"Because it's about the signals the dress sends out. It means she dressed up because she's interested in meeting someone tonight."
But c'mon, that's easy. What if the hot twins were both wearing little black dresses, except one was from a chain store and several seasons ago and the other was a designer import from Europe, flown into the country yesterday? After a lot of discussion, the answer was, "The one with the friendly face, who smiles at me and maybe even offers to buy me a beer."
"We notice that you've dressed up but we don't necessarily notice the details," one fellow added. "Like, we won't know you're wearing a new belt. It's all about the package. You look pretty, you made an effort."
And interestingly enough, the same goes for the guys. If they go out to meet someone, they'll dress up too.
"If a guy is wearing something he had to iron, he's keen," they suggest.
So there you go. Ladies should take a shower, wear a dress, any dress - preferably one that emphasises your best features without being brazen - smile lots and buy the guy you like, preferably the one wearing an ironed shirt, a beer. It's that simple.
