Trying to get rid of her bloat, the bride did something that she would seriously regret. Photo / Getty Images
Imagine waking up on your wedding day terribly bloated.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and if someone told you they knew what would work, you'd probably listen to them too.
One unlucky wedding planner has taken to Reddit to share her horrific story about a bride's health shake disaster.
The bride had insisted on a "shabby chic" affair, with limited facilities.
"The reception, she decided, would take place on the family property, in a historic barn," she wrote.
"This caused a huge flurry of issues, between having to have the barn cleaned, the fact that we needed support tents as the barn wasn't large enough, and the fact that the property lacked electricity and running water.
"The latter was solved with a bank of generators, tubs of water for catering, and a side tent with toilets hidden inside."
While the ceremony went off without a hitch, things took a turn for the worse at the reception.
She explained: "I was speaking to the caterer when I happened to glance over and see the most curious blend of expressions pass over the bride's face."
"She frantically waved down my assistant.
"A few moments later, my headset beeped on, and my assistant said 'we have an issue'.
"It turns out that the bride had gambled on a fart and lost in a big way."
She had diarrhoea, all through her dress.
As the bride's dress was constructed of a fitted bodice and a huge, layered skirt -it was a disaster.
"We had already realised there was zero way of her going to the bathroom, so having her use a Portaloo meant one of us would have to get personal." the planner said.
"The bride, it turns out, had been using some health shakes in an attempt to fix last-minute bloating," she explained.
"The substance that had come out of her body, as a result, defied explanation.
"It was slimy, oily even, with stringy bits and the consistency of hair gel.
"Not only had it been a rather profound accident, but the smell was unrivaled.
"Generally, a substance no human body should emit."
As the skirts layers were very difficult to take off, "the poo had just sort of filled it, like a water balloon of horror".
"Now I have a shell shocked assistant and a crying bride you can smell from miles away,' Belle said.
"The bride is just flipping out that she's making her guests wait, that she has a choreographed dance waiting to happen, and she needs to be introduced NOW.
"I'm just looking at her manicured nails. The residue of diarrhoea is just embedded in her nail bed."
"I give in that this is an issue which will have to wait, and signal to start introductions."
Amazingly, no one seemed to notice what had happened until it was time for the first dance, during which her new husband accidentally brushed his brides' skirt.
"To our horror, we watch as an oily stain spread across the mid-back of the gown," Belle shared.
"As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain.
"Action had to be taken as soon as the couple left the dance floor.
"It was obvious, and I left my assistant in charge while I made preparations."
"I was sponging down a sobbing, naked bride, while I questioned every life decision that lead to this point.
"It may be the most disgusting thing I've ever dealt with.
"With her clean, I threw away the waist shaper and scrubbed down the $21k wedding gown back in a plastic basin. The inner lining was a loss, and I cut it out completely."
Telegraph: Major dry spells are common, but there are ways to get the spark back.