KEY POINTS:
No sooner had Movember kicked off and I'm feeling really good about myself for helping a great cause, disaster strikes! A colleague sends me a link to a story that shows 75 per cent of New Zealand women prefer clean-shaven men and find facial hair positively unattractive.
I now face the prospect of going through the month of Movember getting progressively more ugly to the opposite sex.
There I was thinking that growing a mo might turn me into a Clark Gable (without the halitosis), Peter Wyngarde, aka Jason King (minus the rap for cottaging) or, better still, Errol Flynn (but that might be stretching a thing too far).
And what of those modern-day, sometime hirsute hunks George Clooney and Brad Pitt? Alright, we're talking full-on face fuzz here, but does their (sex) appeal only reach the 6 per cent of women who say they like beards? If so, I know them all!
Reading on, I find that 65 per cent of New Zealand women prefer to shave their legs, followed by waxing and then depilatory creams. Er, what has this got to do with Movember?
Oh, I see, it's a cynical attempt to grab some media attention, free-riding on the back of a worthy male-bonding exercise.
So I relax. There's still hope for me after all.
The next day, out for a walk with my two and a half year old I'm getting approving looks from all sorts of Herne Bay/Ponsonby types. But we're only talking about a slight under chin shadow, thus far.
And then I realize it's my impossibly cute daughter that's attracting all the stares. Maybe my relatively smooth appearance is turning people off? Maybe New Zealand women actually prefer outward signs of masculinity and the rise of the metrosexual is a complete con worked-up by shaving cream manufacturers and purveyors of dandy threads?
Our walk takes us to Maloney's barbers in Victoria Street where I can seek the support of Julian, owner and guardian of guy's grooming. I'm here to officially register for Movember, being a typical male who, not liking to stand out in a crowd, joins a group of like-minded males. Herd mentality.
But there's nothing wring with that. Us men have to stick together over some things, especially when it comes to facing up to ugly facts.
Ugly fact: 200 men die each year in New Zealand from prostate cancer, which, if detected early enough, could have been treated.
Looking around the salon I am instantly cheered. Not only am I in great company and feel part of a brotherhood fighting the good fight to raise awareness about an eminently treatable condition, but everyone else looks as bad as I do.
Anyway, who cares? I've been happily married for years.
