KEY POINTS:
Boys love adventure, danger and mischief.
Such thrill-seeking and daring behaviour is well within the norms of growing up, but is quite distinct from the behavioural development of most girls.
To keep our energetic boys in check, we tend to place boundaries around them.
There are certain expectations about how they should behave in class, at the dinner table and when in the presence of elders.
Yet this is certainly different from the freedom they are given in the playground - an opportunity for boys to let loose, wield sticks, throw rocks and work out their natural pecking order like a pack of robust husky dogs on a mission.
Schools are regulated in their expectations of boys' behaviour, but our family homes are not.
Each family will have their own definition of acceptable "boyhood behaviour".
Some keep the reins tightly pulled, while others have loose boundaries which are not well-defined, allowing boys to feel that rules can often be broken without penalty.
Yet if we as dads truly want to raise exceptional young men, our focus should not only be on making sure boys don't torment their siblings and disturb others, cause too much mess, or be too destructive.
We also we need to place emphasis on building character within our boys.
Character has less to do with obeying rules to avoid getting into trouble or to receive a reward, and more to do with a desire to do the right thing.
Character is a reflection of our internal motivation to want to do the right thing because it's what we believe in - the moral and ethical foundation of our lives.
A good definition of a boy's character is what they'd be prepared to do behind closed doors when no one's looking.
Most boys develop their character by modelling their fathers.
Smart dads know that setting up rules without having a great relationship ends up breeding resentment.
However, having a good relationship before setting up rules encourages the development of respect.
Your challenge, if you chose to accept it, is to capture your boy's heart.
If you win his heart, you'll have behaviour and performance too.
Dr Robi Sonderegger is a clinical psychologist who writes for APN publications in New Zealand and Australia
