KEY POINTS:
Welcome to my parlour, said the spider to the fly. It's warm and cosy in here and 'tis the season for staying indoors. And there's so much to do when it's raining outside ...
PLAY A GAME
Some people hate games - all those ridiculous rules to learn, the bow hand, the different suits, the multiple dice.
"I'd rather be reading my book," these player-haters will tell you. But trust us, you will find that even these folks will enjoy a retro beauty like Twister, Mystery Date, Operation or the Game of Life.
Why? Well, for one thing they're retro but they're not Monopoly - and if you can get your hands on a genuine version from way back in the 70s, that comes complete, then you're playing with a flavoursome collectible. So instant hipster points there. For another they plug straight into your nostalgia sockets, taking many players back to an innocent time when you dreamt of some bronzed surfer showing up at your door to take you away but you didn't really know why. Or a time when sprawling on the floor, tangled up with a bunch of friends, as one does during an invigorating round of Twister, didn't have any sexual overtones whatsoever.
Best places to find retro games: Trade Me, if you know what you're looking for. And keep an eye out in charity stores too. Some of the games have also been recently re-made - for instance, the High School Musical craze has done a Mystery Date version of their own.
BEAUTIFY YOURSELF
If it's raining outside and Madame just can't be bothered leaving the house to get herself waxed, tanned and otherwise beautified, then Madame need not worry. Beauty On Demand, a franchise that sees beauty therapists hitting the road in a van filled with every conceivable kind of treatment, will come to you.
"Everything is mobile," says Roxanne Cooper, one of the therapists at the BOD-squad headquarters in Herne Bay, "from the waxing to facials to the Eftpos machine to a hot stone massage." For the latter, the therapists use a sort of portable cooker to warm up the rocks. And, believe it or not, Beauty On Demand can even come and give you a spray tan at home.
"We have our own booth, it's like a tent that folds down and it's about a metre square."
But isn't visiting a beauty clinic and being in a different, more rarified atmosphere, part of the joy of the whole thing? Not for everyone.
"There are certain treatments people prefer to have done at home. Some people don't have the time to get out, like a breastfeeding mother or someone who's very busy at work. And others just feel they will relax more at home. We've had a client who booked a massage for herself and a friend on her birthday and she'd put candles everywhere. And some people will get us in for the whole day - there's a lot of that for corporate clients at Christmas actually. And then other people will just have a treatment in their living room with kids running through every five minutes!"
Also worth noting is the fact that Beauty On Demand also have treatments for men, so if your bloke's a bit too hairy but he wouldn't be seen dead at the local beauty parlour, then have him defoliated in the privacy of his own bathroom.
For more information call BOD, 0800 GET BOD (0800 438-263), or see the website, www.beauty-on-demand.co.nz. The services are currently available in Auckland and Wellington.
WRITE A LETTER
Those recent New Zealand Post ads have been quite inspiring, haven't they? But it is possible to become even more inspired. An expensive and rather beautiful fountain pen will convince you to leave your email behind. Some handmade paper from Italy will make you want to touch it - and folding it after you've written on it in red ink, then perfumed it with just a touch of your favourite scent is even more of a sensual business. A well-designed and witty postcard will persuade you to share the joke, or the pretty pictures, with your buddies.
Patronise a specialist paper store such as kikki.K (ph 09 309 2400) or Red Letter Day (ph 09 422 9748) for inspiration. Or try the interesting pens and paper at your local art supplies shop. Or go shopping for postcards at the local art gallery; the Auckland Art Gallery shop has some lovely examples.
BREW YOUR OWN AT HOME
So you thought you needed several hundred hectares and a fair few years to make your own wine? Well, think again. For under $100 you can start your new career as an award-winning vintner. Tucked in between the popular-with-boys beer-making apparatus in their stores, Brewcraft, one of Auckland's oldest suppliers of brewing equipment, also sells wine-making kits starting at under $100 and going up to around $250.
It has everything you need to make grape wine says a company representative. "You just need to buy the bottles - and then drink it three months later, if you can restrain yourself!"
And if the thought of preparing your own merlot with packets brings out your inner wine snob, then possibly the best alternative is to make fruit wine. The kits can also work with almost any sort of fruit - feijoa, kiwifruit and mandarin.
"It's very much about the move toward slow food. If you're making your own at home then you can control what goes into it and when you serve it up you can tell everyone you made it yourself," the folks at Brewcraft say.
But wait there's more! If you don't like wine or beer, it is also possible to make your own spirits. Interestingly enough New Zealand is one of the only countries in the world that allows locals to distill their own spirits at home. Yes, we're allowed to make moonshine! This is done by mixing up a base which, after it's fermented, is then flavoured - there are literally hundreds of flavours available, everything from butterscotch schnapps to dry vermouth to flavours that will apparently do a passable imitation of your favourite whiskey.
For most of this you'll need a still, the cost of which can run from around $300 to $600 and ranges from an air-powered one that "you switch on just like a kettle" to a more complicated beast.
Right, so by now you're probably thinking, yes, but how does it actually taste? Isn't this stuff more commonly known as "gut rot"? "That's a common preconception," agree the people at Brewcraft, "but it's not really true. I would challenge you to come down to one of the shops, taste a sample and tell me the difference between the home made drink and some of the commercial brands."
But if all that still sounds too complicated or expensive then you could always just flavour a bottle of vodka. Use the additives available at a place like Brewcraft, or perhaps even better, make your own. Simply add whatever you like - berries or other fruit, chilli, mint, or some sort of lolly (Jelly Baby vodka sounds nice, doesn't it?) - to your bottle of vodka and allow it to marinate, then sip slowly, like the Russians do, by the heater or fire.
For more information see: www.brewcraft.co.nz, or ph (09) 377 1544. Also online is the www.thebrewshed.co.nz, ph (09) 818 1763.
LEARN TO PLAY THE UKULELE
If you have always wanted to play an instrument but you've never had the time or the manual dexterity, then, believe it or not, the ukulele is everything you've ever dreamt of.
Up until recently a ukulele would have seemed, well, pretty uncool really. It may have reminded you of big guys in floral sarongs doing terrible covers at your distant cousin's wedding. Or possibly of cheesy 60s surf movies. But those days are over - the ukulele is experiencing something of a resurgence amongst hipsters.
The blame can be laid partially at the twenty or so feet of the Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra. They have been selling out around the country for good reason. And their line-up boasts several national musical stars, including Bret McKenzie, one half of Flight of the Conchords.
Turns out the ukulele is also really easy to learn. Teachers say you'll be playing a song within minutes and for that reason, the uke, as it's also known, is instantly rewarding on a cold winter night. It's a crowd pleaser, it's a child tamer, it's good looking, your first one can cost as little as a few tenners and as one online ukulele fan puts it, "the ukulele is the miracle music instrument. The sound won't interrupt the talking of business or the whisper of lovers."
In conclusion, even if you don't believe the ukulele hype and it still brings to mind Hawaiian love songs, maybe these freezing nights are just the right venue for that kind of reminder.
The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra recommend Alistair's Music in Wellington (04 917 4487) as the place to buy a ukulele. In Auckland several music stores sell them and it's also worth checking on Trade Me.
LEARN TO POLE DANCE
Whether you see it as a phallic symbol or a piece of fitness equipment, there's no doubt that a portable pole dancing kit, such as the one sold at various D-Vice stores around the country, is going to heat up a cold winter night or two. The sets come complete with an extendable, easy-to-assemble chrome-plated pole that you basically erect in your living room, or any other chamber, so that it's jammed between floor and ceiling. Besides a rather amusing instructional DVD and a book illustrating several dance moves, the set also provides you with a garter and some stripper bar money that can be tucked into it should your audience be appreciative. The manufacturers also tell us that Kylie Minogue and members of the Spice Girls and Pussycat Dolls own one of these.
And should you become particulary interested in this as a wintry pastime (or should you decide that close to $250 for the set is too much for your budget), then it's also possible to buy a variety of books and DVDs by the likes of Carmen Electra, with further instructions on how to pole and lap dance as well as do aerobic striptease. Crikey.
The PeekaBoo pole dancing kit is available from D Vice's website, www.dvice.co.nz, or by calling 0800 739 8697. For further books on various erotic arts practised for fitness, such as those by Carmen Electra visit www.amazon.com
