Beck Vass: When did my child become so devious?

Looking back over my child's antics, I was shocked by her nous from such a young age. Photo / Getty

Recently, I have been consumed by the challenges of raising our four-year-old daughter. Four, nearly five, that is.

After writing about it, and amid overwhelming feelings of frustration and guilt at losing it with her so often lately, I unwound at the end of a rainy winter's night with "a couple" of red wines.

As I did, I decided to look at a journal I've kept since before she was born.

Looking back over her antics, I was shocked by her nous in some of the events I'd documented.

At the same age her brother is now (two- and-a-half), she was up to more mischief than he would ever think of. He gets up to a lot of mischief, but not with her multi-layered tiers of deviousness. It is, quite honestly, scary.

Here are some of my child's most cunning moments so far:

1. DV-DEVIOUS BEHAVIOUR

Her brother was seven months old, lying on the lounge floor. I was watching them, hidden.

She was going through the DVD cabinet, something she knew she wasn't meant to do.
I watched her choose a DVD, open the case, remove the disc and put it in her brother's hand. She even pressed his fingers around it.

When I said: "What are you doing?" she jumped in fright and said, defensively:

"I've ... He's got a DVD."

How can someone on the planet such a short time already be so cunning?

2. GET YOUR OWN NAPPY, MUM

When I asked her if she would like to get me a nappy, she replied: "I don't have to, Mumma will get it."

One day, I asked her if she wanted to help me make some muffins.

She replied: "Or, you could just make them yourself."

3. BATH TIME HELL

I recalled an occassion where I was trying to get her dressed after a bath:

Me: "I can do it now, or I will have to go and do something else and do it later."

Her: "Goodbye."

Seriously! She was TWO. What hope do I have?

I continued: "Come on, let's get dressed now."

Her: "Can you go away?"

4. WHO NEEDS PANTS?

I had recently learned one of those tactics that's supposed to outsmart kids: "Do you want to wear the pink pants or the blue pants today?" I asked assertively, holding them up.

She replied, just as assertively: "Or no pants."

That wasn't an option you little $#!*! Just put some #*&^ing pants on before I go insane!

5. GOT YA, GRANDMA

My mum was looking after the kids and asked her: "What does Mum put in your smoothies?"

Our girl replied: "Ice cream."

The kid had never had ice cream in a smoothie, not once. She did that day.

IS IT JUST HER?

Part of me felt somewhat relieved by finding all of this in that journal. The challenges I have had lately might be just ... her. Which is, of course, a blessing and a curse.

She's always played by her own rules and will only do something when she decides she wants to. It is endlessly exhausting and exceptionally challenging and, quite frankly, maddening.

I don't know if it's me ... us ... the way we are raising her. There's always that little niggly "what if?" What if we're doing something wrong, or not doing something?

What I do know is that, whatever it is, we have our work cut out for us.