Beck Vass: The realities of a Kiwi Mum's Christmas

It's not easy being a Kiwi mum over Christmas. Photo / Getty Images

Tis the night after Christmas, the house is a mess,
The day has been long, there's stains on my dress,
It's been a scorcher, too much time in the sun,
We've been out with the rellies, but now we are done,

It started before sunrise, the kids woke so early,
So it's no surprise now, we're all a bit surly,
The fights started at breakfast, the toys were all wrong,
Told myself to breathe deep, today will be long,

Our daughter grabbed the new toy, her brother just got,
He spun round and hit her, caused screams, tears and snot,
We hadn't eaten breakfast, they were already fighting,
Why can't they behave, instead of shoving and biting?

We tried to do some nice things, thought they'd have a ball,
But as usual the kids turned it into a brawl,
Instead of making food, I opened the bubbles,
Strawberries in the wine glass, now we're in trouble,

We needed to prepare for the big day ahead,
But then I was tipsy, and just wanted my bed,
Finally we're sorted, three kids good to go,
Can we just do one day, without coming to blows?

We arrive at an auntie's, it's 11 o'clock,
And all I had eaten was one chocolate block,
Then there's roast chicken and kumara, salads and ham,
Pavlova and berries, trifle with jam,

A table full of food, everyone's favourites,
Said I wouldn't eat too much, told myself to savour it,
But before I knew it, I'd scoffed so much more,
My clothes feeling tight, my stomach is sore,

Headed out into the sun, went swimming in the pool,
Where the kids were so happy, didn't lose my cool,
The presents are all open, the dishes are dry,
It's time to go home now, we've had a good time,

Back home it's a bomb site, stuff strewn around,
Wrapping paper and boxes, just want to lie down,
There's so many toys now, they just won't all fit,
I have no idea, how they got so much s**t,

Toys scattered everywhere, you can't see the floor,
There were too many yesterday, and now there are more,
I said, "Hands off the tree!" Told them, "Don't touch",
But they pulled decorations off, they don't listen much,

Now they're overtired, they've stayed up way too late,
I can't say that I am in a much better state,
They've had far too much sugar, now they're watching TV
I wonder if other mums are as crappy as me?

Merry Christmas.