Beck Vass: My life with a humongous baby

Within a week or two, tiny newborn nappies start looking like g-strings. Photo / Getty Images.

Bigger than your average, Beck Vass shares the unexpected challenges of having a real bruiser.

It wasn't until having our second baby that we realised we'd had a reasonably dainty little lady the first time around. Our middle child grew so quickly, he was in nappies and clothes labelled for one-year-olds by four months.

On track with an even bigger boy the third time around, Beck Vass has discovered some pitfalls in having a baby that's bigger than average.

1. Entrances aren't the same

When you enter a room with a tiny baby, everyone goes all "ooh" and "aah".

When you walk in with a big baby, people just go: "WOAH!"

2. Your calibration for baby size gets all out of whack

You see a walking, talking child and stand there stunned, assuming the newborn you are watching is very advanced.

But it turns out they are 18 months old, just much smaller looking than the four-month-old in your arms.

3. You need to feed them. A lot

Big babies are permanently hungry. You need to start solids earlier because they start waking up more often. This is messy because they are barely able to sit or hold their own heads up.

Within a few days, they are smashing it back because they know it fills them up and they love it. No amount of food you make will get stored as a stash, it all gets eaten.

4. You permanently worry you are overfeeding them

This isn't helped by the fact that every second person asks you incredulously: "What are you feeding him?" Strangers stop you in the street to comment on your big baby and to ask how old he is and how much he weighs.

5. Clothes don't fit for long

I bought some onesies expecting them to last until the end of winter. A few weeks later I had to go back and buy more because they were tight. Two weeks later I realised I would have to go back for another lot before the end of winter.

6. Or at all

You delve into the stash you had set aside for when bubs got bigger but it's hard to get the neck over his giant head. His hands and/or biceps are too chubby for the sleeve openings. Some bibs become dangerous because they're too tight for his neck. Your baby is too big for baby clothes!

7. Nappies are more expensive earlier

Within a week or two, tiny newborn nappies start looking like g-strings. A few weeks later, you need to upsize again.

By the time they are three or four months old you're buying "walker" nappies but your baby ain't walking any time soon. In fact, he might not have even rolled over yet. The only rolls around here are on his arms, legs and the back of his neck.

8. You suffer occupational overuse injuries just from carrying them around

With our first boy, I got a sore hip, neck and wrists. With our second boy, who is 10kg at seven months (the weight of some 3-year-olds), I have a permanently tight neck and shoulders.

My wrists go through stages of aching from carrying him and getting him in and out of his car seat throughout the day. Sometimes I wear a support to take some pressure off and people ask if I have hurt myself. No, no, it's just from carrying my giant baby.

9. Their skin needs extra care

They're like little human Shar-peis. They have permanent chaffing under their chin and neck, which sometimes needs nappy cream as a bit of a barrier. At bath time, you have to wash their skin folds and make sure to dry them out.

10. Their skin feels amazing, but makes yours seem like sandpaper

I spend all day stroking my boy's legs. They are so soft and squishy, his thighs are like real life stress balls. They are the softest, smoothest things I have ever touched.

My skin, by comparison, feels rough, bumpy and greasy and I realise how much collagen I have lost. This was made all the more depressing when I glanced down to see him on the floor after bath time and noticed he also has more cleavage than I do.