The world has never felt so offensive or irritating. Image / Getty Images
I am so hideously unwell. And fine. And hideously unwell. And fine.
How quickly you are reminded of all the things you forgot about pregnancy.
If I forgot about this, despite being through two pregnancies, then it mustn't last for long, I remind myself.
That, or it was so traumatic you just blanked it out.
The state of my mind is so chaotic that even my mental chatter argues with itself. I feel fine one minute and then boom, sudden and intense nausea.
Do I need to puke, or do I need to eat? Or do I just need to sleep? I am so, so tired. I don't remember being this sick or tired before.
I can't be sure what I need but I choose to eat - anything not to be sick. I don't throw up but everything makes me gag.
Cleaning my teeth makes me gag. Seeing snot on kids' noses makes me retch. But mostly, it's unpleasant smells that get me going - and there are plenty more of those than usual because my sense of smell is insane.
Walking into a supermarket makes me want to vomit. The overwhelming smell of the produce. It is the same smell that alerted to me to my pregnancy with our daughter (now five). All I could smell was banana. Not the smell when you open a banana, but the skin of the banana.
There was a man several metres away and I could smell that his shirt had been wet and not properly washed or dried. A kind of body odour mixed with cat wee smell that happens when you leave your washing wet in the machine for too long.
Why are you people doing this to me?
The thought of alcohol makes me want to vomit and I can smell it a mile away. That slightly stale smell seeping out of someone or on their breath. My face is screwed up as I type this.
The world has never felt so offensive or irritating.
When my husband ate corn-on-the-cob when I was pregnant with my son (now three), I thought I was going to kill him.
Then there was the man who didn't wave "thanks" when I let him in while driving the other day.
It is as if everything that ever irritated me is magnified by five billion in pregnancy.
Nausea, tiredness, crankiness - this roller coaster has six months to go.
The actor has become a poster girl for dressing well whatever your age.