Beck Vass: Help! I'm ruining my kids' Christmas

They won't leave the tree alone and they've eaten most of the chocolates in their Advent Calendars already. Photo / Getty Images

Christmas: a time of magic and memory-making. A time to rekindle the joy and excitement of your own childhood as you experience it through the eyes of your children.

Except so far, my children's memories of Christmas are going to be of their angry, shouty mum.

My yelling started, or at least increased, as soon as the tree went up: "Can you two please stop touching the Christmas tree?"

Then: "Stop pulling the decorations off the tree."

And: "Get your hands off that tree."

Decorations have been yanked off the tree repeatedly.

One morning the entire tree fell over because our boy, almost three, was trying to pull beads off it, even though I'd said four million times: "Stop pulling the beads."

"Sowwy Mumma, sowwy," he shouted, stunned, as he leapt away from the falling fake pine.

I vacuumed the mess, moved the tree, replaced all the fallen decorations and still found things removed after that.

"THAT'S IT! ONE MORE TIME AND I'M CALLING SANTA TO SAY DON'T COME!"

The looks on their faces made me feel quite powerful. What hollow threats will I be able to use after Christmas?

I went on to threaten to call Santa and tell him to leave all their presents with the boy next door because they fight too much and will only fight over any new presents anyway.

Since then, they have pretty much left the tree alone.

I don't think this tree, meant to be the source of so much joy, could cause any more problems.

And don't get me started on Advent Calendars.

I tend to be irritated by traditions so I've dodged all this stuff, until this year.

For example, we don't have the annual Santa photo everyone else seems to have, because I can't stand doing that stuff for the sake of it. Plus, I despise malls and lining up in queues, and pretty much waiting for anything so… the kids don't have any photos with Santa.

We only had a Christmas tree for the first time last year because our girl, now 5, was old enough to notice everyone else's.

So this year, I thought I would stop being such a Grinch and bought two identical (a pointless attempt at preventing fights) Paw Patrol Advent calendars.

After a couple of days, we found both kids hiding under our son's bed opening the chocolate-filled windows.

Our daughter was more restrained because she understands. Our son ate heaps.

Now I have to suffer though his whining every day that he opens a window that's already empty.

The other day, our daughter screamed and began sobbing.

"He ate my big one!"

Somehow, her brother had stolen number 24 - one of the biggest chocolates in the calendar - from right under her nose.

I removed the biggest one I could find left on his (the really big ones were already gone) and gave it to our girl.

So now, every day he also gets upset with a dramatic, big-eyed sad face: "She ate my cocklit."

And every day I am reminded why I always shun traditions.

Merry Christmas.