A new poll says that dad shaming is real and it causes some men to back off from parenting. Photo / Getty Images.
A new poll says that dad shaming is real and it causes some men to back off from parenting. Photo / Getty Images.
Following the news that dads feel "overly criticised", parenting columnist Beck Vass is calling bullsh*t.
You think we're making steps towards gender equality and then – boom!
One in five fathers say that criticism about their parenting makes them want to be less involved as a parent, arecent survey has revealed.
The CS Mott Children's Hospital National Poll on Children's Health announced the findings after a group of fathers of children aged up to 13 revealed their perceptions of being criticised about their parenting style.
Over half of the fathers said that they had been criticised about their parenting, with the most common source of criticism coming from the child's other parent. Photo / C.S. Mott Children's Hospital.
Most mothers say they have been criticised about their parenting choices, most frequently by family. Photo / C.S. Mott Children's Hospital.
Mothers responded to the criticism in many ways, including seeking additional information or changing some aspect of their parenting – also the reaction of many dads.
But at no point in the survey does it state that mothers wanted to be less involved in parenting their children because of criticism.
And why would it? Mums don't have the choice, do they? Especially not when the father of their kid is bailing out on his role because someone judged the way he disciplines his kid.
Do these dads do the same in their professions if someone criticises what they do?
Oh well, I just won't do it any more.
I would sincerely hope not.
Is there anything more important than raising your own children and being involved in their lives?
Where the real survey should be is why do men respond like this and why is it somehow acceptable for them to admit feeling like this?
The reason it's supposedly okay (it's not okay) for dads to feel like this is because there is a mum* picking up the pieces in the background.
It's okay to slacken off because the missus will just sort it. She's the one complaining, so she can just do it herself, right?
Pull your freaking heads in! You don't just bail out of parenting your child (or confess to wanting to) because someone has criticised you. It's nice that you have the option though, lucky you!
Mums don't appear to have that luxury.
This particular poll is conducted every June to coincide with Father's Day in the US.
It's great to have a survey that looks at the impact parenting has on dads. And I know I am not alone in admitting that I can be overly critical of my husband's parenting.
Sometimes it just feels like he does something and then I spend more time than the original task consumed cleaning up the mess or dealing with the aftermath.
And when you're in the daily grind of it, and used to your own routine and order of things for the most efficient results, and you're tired of cleaning and scrubbing things and your hands are split with eczema from all the wiping and your spouse leaves you with even more of a mess, you do just criticise or snap.
Us mums definitely need to work on that. (Or maybe dads just need to learn to clean up properly, it depends who you ask.)
We need to step back and accept that our way is not necessarily the "right" or "best" way.
Yes, let's spread that message, I completely agree. Spread that loud and clear.
But we should also be very concerned and we should be calling out deadbeat dads if as many as one in five think it is okay to want to be less involved with parenting their kids just because someone criticised the way they do things.
And we should be thinking about the unfortunate - and inevitable - impact that has on mums.
