Beck Vass: Attack of the baby brain

Beck Vass is 16-weeks pregnant and baby brain has taken over. Photo / Getty Images

Twice in the last week, I have spent 10 minutes trying to locate my car.

On both of these occasions, I have drawn complete and utter mental blocks for minutes. Both times I had already walked somewhere else entirely before I realised I had no idea where I was heading.

I am only 16 weeks pregnant.

Jacinda's running the country as I'm out losing my car. And my mind.

She's out there saying things like: "I'm just pregnant, not incapacitated."

Well, I am incapacitated because I am pregnant. I'm all for girl power and women like Jacinda who do what they do, and thank God for them because if everyone was like me, we'd all be a pack of whiney weaklings who just need a sleep and some Burger Rings.

I really thought I'd be awesome like she seems to be, but the reality is, I have been curled up in a ball dying of nausea and fatigue. Sleeping. Complaining. Grumpy. Ugh. It's really ugly.

My usual outlet, running, causes pinchy pains in my stomach and didn't feel right from very early on. Besides, I'm too tired for it anyway.

Jacinda is five months younger than me. At this point, I think five months might make all the difference. Maybe that's where I've gone wrong.

Although, I do already have two more kids than her, and that adds about 80 years.
At the start of this pregnancy, I was needing daily naps to cope with nausea and tiredness.

As Jacinda was just getting on with things announcing retirement schemes in Pacific islands, I was making my son, 3, watch TV so I could nap, with an alarm set for 2.30pm so I could pick up his sister from school. I would wake feeling sick still. And fall asleep at 8.30pm that night.

In the last two weeks, I have finally found some more energy, but I have lost my mind.

I'm lucky though. At least when I make my many mistakes, I have the kids to let me know.

"Haha, you just called the box a bucket," they say laughing, hysterically.

Or: "haha, you said bathroom" (instead of bedroom).

Yeah, yeah, it's just SO hilarious. It's almost as if you two aren't partly responsible for killing off most of my brain cells.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, JUST PUT THE BLOODY THING AWAY!

And it isn't just my verbal flaws being announced.

After weeks of saying she didn't believe there was a baby in my tummy, our girl, five, has revealed she believes I am pregnant now - "because your tummy's big".

Then, she added: "Your bum's big too, is that because of the baby?"