Beck Vass: A message for judgy Kiwi mums

The worst part is, my friend is so consistent with disciplining her kids. Any time they step out of line, they are pulled up on it. Photo / Getty Images

Judgy Mum, if you and others like you are reading this, you attacked the wrong person, writes Beck Vass.

A friend of mine was recently mum-shamed – yelled at by a stranger – and told how to parent her kids.

She was at Tumble Time - basically like the Big Day Out for toddlers. They can run from scooters to a bouncy castle, to a trampoline, to trikes and slides and climbing frames. There's hula hoops, blocks and crayons, dolls and pushchairs, and well, you get the picture.

It's a safe place for parents all suffering through the same crap and, if it all goes well, a chance to eat hot chips for morning tea if you want.

My friend was on her first solo outing with all three of her children - aged 4, not-quite 2, and 2 weeks. They'd had a good morning and were about to go when the newborn needed a feed.

Seated near her 20-month-old, who was playing with other toddlers they didn't know in a pit filled with blocks, my friend decided to give the baby a quick feed before driving home.

She was half playing, half focused on the baby.

Unfortunately, all the toddlers had just been there a bit too long and things were starting to turn. Parents who have been in this situation will know the sudden feeling of wishing you left 20 minutes ago.

However, she was stuck feeding for a bit.

Meanwhile, the toddlers starting knocking down each other's block towers. They were just having fun. My friend's boy's tower got knocked over more than once and eventually he decided to get in on it too, so he knocked over someone else's. It wasn't nasty, it was just what they were all doing.

But another child's mother lost it and launched into my friend as she fed her two-week-old baby.

"Your son just knocked over my son's tower. You need to tell him off."

My friend replied: "I saw what happened, they're all doing it, it wasn't nasty, I'm not going to tell him off for that."

Then, this woman, Mum Shamer of the Year, launched into a tirade about how my friend's son was at an age where he needed discipline, and she should be teaching him not to do this and that, and on and on it went.

My friend told the woman that she needed to read the situation, that all the kids were knocking towers down, it wasn't a big deal, none of them were doing it to be nasty, none of the other mothers were worrying about it, the kids had just hit the demolition phase of the morning because it was time to go.

Not good enough For Judgy Mum, who continued on her rant.

The worst part is, my friend is so consistent with disciplining her kids. Any time they step out of line, they are pulled up on it.

And of course, there was the fact that she had a 2-week-old baby in an environment that should have been full of people who understand.

The problem with Judgy Mum, like many of the world's Parent Judges and Mum (and Dad) Shamers, was that she took a tiny snapshot, the briefest moment in time, and decided to judge my friend's entire parenting life on it before unnecessarily (and rudely) voicing her views on it.

I've spoken about this before when it happened to me.

So, Judgy Mum, if you and others like you are reading this, you attacked the wrong person.

Also, we could judge your parenting if we wanted to.

What are you teaching your child when you demand an apology from someone you perceive has "harmed" him? That everyone should apologise for causing his problems? Real life doesn't work like that.

But we're not about judging here, so we won't put that on you.

Judgy Mums are the worst kind of women. A woman who attacks another woman, a fellow mother - a sister!

Good luck if you end up having more than the one child, truly. I wish you strength because, Lady, you're going to need it!

No, not everyone can agree on the same parenting style. But you can at least be kind.