Not every child is going to be thrilled about the changes a new school year brings. Photo / Getty Images
Not every child is going to be thrilled about the changes a new school year brings. Photo / Getty Images
Sleep ins, beach days, backyard cricket, family games nights and the smell of sausages on the barbie - it's the quintessential Kiwi summer.
Long hot days coupled with freedom from routine produce parents who are more relaxed and children who are more agreeable. If only we lived in a permanent state of summer holidays.
Regretfully, as January draws to a close, the reality of everyday life begins to dawn.
For some children, the return to school is exciting, especially for those who enjoy the rhythm of routine, thrive on academic achievement or have a solid group of friends.
For others, the anticipation is not so positive. The transition back to school can spark anxiety, dread and overwhelm, which can be caused by a number of factors:
• Starting a new school • Experiencing difficult social dynamics • Feeling like school is not for them but being too young to leave • Dislike of a new teacher • Changing circumstances at home – parents separating, or a new sibling
Not every child is going to be thrilled about the changes a new school year brings. Photo / Getty Images
Watching children struggle is particularly stressful for parents, who often want to help but may be unsure how to. Plus, parents aren't just supporting their children in a vacuum, they are also returning to complexity: juggling the work/life divide we try to call balance, managing additional financial pressures from stationery to new school uniforms, and perhaps trying to focus on personal goals for the year.
The pressure to navigate work and home can result in parents overlooking their children's feelings of nervousness or anxiety as school begins and, though understandable, this is not so useful.
It's important for parents to pay more attention to what's going on for their child (e.g. noticing their emotional reactions, perhaps a difference in their thinking patterns or normal behaviour). Setting aside time each day to be fully present with children can help. This means no phones and senses engaged.
2. Talk about what's going on
Being able to share and talk about what's going on can help both the child and parent work through emotions, especially upsetting ones like fear. During these discussions, it's helpful to stay curious without jumping to conclusions. Try asking open questions like you're a naïve inquirer, and using a strengths-based perspective.
Try:
• "Hey mate, you seem a bit on edge, I want to check if you are okay." • "How are you feeling about going to school, is there anything you're thinking lots about?" • "Is there anything that would help make this year of school the best year yet?" • "How can I support you to have the best start to the new year?"
3. Demonstrate compassion, understanding and belief
In a way that is authentic to you, let your children know you hear them, understand what they are experiencing and that you are there to support them. Let them know first day jitters or end of summer blues are normal, and that other kids will be in the same boat. Also, communicate to your child that you believe in them and know they will be able to manage. Together you can navigate what needs to be put in place to support them.
4. Plan ahead
Children thrive on routine and rituals. Getting useful habits , such as bedtime rituals, back in place a week beforehand can help smooth the transition and ease the shock of early mornings. Organising stationery, locating lunchboxes and school bags, or planning the route to school are all ways to mentally prepare children. For children starting a new school a visit so they know where the classroom is or locating their locker can also ease anxiety. Ask the school to introduce them to other kids in class before the term begins so there's a friendly face.
As a parent it is important you make sure you look after your own needs. Parents aren't immune to their own end-of-summer blues or overwhelm at managing multiple facets of life. We need the capacity to support our children well, which means self-care needs to be a priority.
