KEY POINTS:
Marvin Boyce is a big guy _ part Maori, part Samoan, part Cook Island, part Irish.
He's already spread out his large hand span to show how big the spiders are _ all the Kiwis do this, you can tell even the ones who've been here for years are still quite alarmed _ and then he says "huntsman spiders can jump, you know".
Oh, and watch out for the redbacks, he says. And the snakes. His wife was at the clothesline _ and this has happened a couple of times _ and a carpet python followed her into the kitchen.
Boyce and his family are packing up and coming home. But not for good and they're not leaving because of the crawlies. Neither are they coming home for good. Boyce, in fact, is so disgruntled with New Zealand he thinks we should be done with it and become a state of Australia.
He's serious. Boyce has lived in Brisbane for 10 years and is coming home for five years to give his older boys a chance at rugby _ which he says is more elitist in Australia _ and to absorb their culture.
But then they will be back.
He left originally because, in his eyes, New Zealand wasn't going anywhere and the Government wasn't helping families enough. His opinion hasn't changed.
Back home he worked in security; in Queensland he trained to be a mental health nurse.
But there's good and bad in Australia. He loves what Brisbane offers. You can work fewer hours and earn more money. There are also Government benefits which make it easier to raise and spend time with the family.
The Boyces are Australian citizens now, so qualify for these benefits, though they became citizens mainly so that if Australia changed the rules and made it tougher for Kiwis to return, they would be okay.
Even so, Boyce struggles when asked if he feels Australian. There will always be that connection with New Zealand.
He has softened towards Australians, though he admits he was very negative about them when he first arrived, finding them ignorant about other cultures.
Australians can be brash and even mean-spirited, but, says Boyce, once you get to know them you realise they are good people and they become friends.
The great thing for Kiwis in Australia, and for Maori especially, is that unlike in New Zealand, you don't have to be career-driven to get ahead, he says.
It's not just about money. It goes deeper. Along with the practical benefits comes a feeling of self respect, that you are taking good care of your family. Back home, Maori and Pacific people are still suppressed, says Boyce. "You only excel if you're an academic or a doctor."
He thinks if we did become one nation no one would notice. "It will just be like Tasmania."
Yet, when asked if New Zealand's economy boomed and the pay was higher than [in Australia] would he return for good, there's no hesitation: "In a heartbeat."
