How to dress
This may be the only time your icon will ever see you. How would you like to be perceived? We're fortunate that this year, turtleneck sweaters and berets are back in fashion, so both male and female punters can cultivate an intellectual beatnik vibe by wearing French hats and covering their necks. Or assume an air of mystery by standing wistfully at the back in sunglasses, although the downside is that while your favourite author might see you, you may not be able to see them.
How to meet your favourite writer
Pay for VIP seating, go to meet-and-greets, buy the new book and stand in the signing queue, get the tattoo. Those are the traditional ways. Networking is another – use all your contacts to get to know the PR person, host or (last resort) tech guy so you can wander casually up for a chat when the author is nearby. Scan Tinder, Grindr, Christian Mingle or anywhere your out-of-town author might be looking for company. Or there's the ever-popular fake fall, where you faint at their feet and hope they're kind enough to not step over you. Don't take it personally if they do, authors spend a lot of time alone and it's not because they like noticing people.
How to control yourself when you do
Take a deep breath, and maybe a beta blocker, to impress them with your calmly cerebral manner. Or not, actually. Gushingly let them know how deeply their work touched you, and cry a little bit while you take a selfie. Writers have put their hard work and passion on the bookshelf for the public to critique. If you love them they'll be grateful on some level, even if they're the curmudgeonly recluse type and can't show it. It's okay to not be okay. At least your tattoo is cool. Or not cool, depends on how the dolphin turned out.