Auckland trains: the good, the bad and what needs to happen next

Riding the train can bring it's fair share of uncomfortable moments. Photo / Getty Images

Ever taken a ride on a train? If so, what did you think about it? If you could rate it on a scale of one to ten, what score would you give it?

Alright, apologies for the whole internet survey feel of this so far. I swear there's a point.

I've mentioned a few times that I used to live in Germany. Some of my fondest memories involve taking the train to work, to go meet up with friends, and to go exploring in search of the perfect kebab or currywurst.

Whether it was the S-Bahn, underground U-Bahn, M-Bahn, or the long-distance Deutsche Bahn trains, there was no shortage of rail transport.

With two stations practically right outside my flat, I could hop on, and three stations - or precisely eight minutes, since trains in Deutschland are almost always on time - I'd be right outside the newsroom where I worked.

Better yet, the trains ran 24/7 - pretty convenient when I usually worked the night shift.

When riding the train in Berlin, it's best to watch where you step, lest you step in someone's... you get the idea. Blech.

I've also mentioned I grew up on a horse farm near Portland, Oregon. Because of my rural upbringing, I didn't take the train often. But when I did take the Metropolitan Area Express (MAX)... well, it's pretty similar to Berlin in terms of the risk of contracting communicable diseases, up to and including the plague.

The bloody thing just STINKS. Think a skunk in a confined space. Come to think of it, make that several skunks. Yeah, it's that bad.

By comparison, taking a trip on a train in Auckland is like flying first class. Odour-free, no pet weasels or large snakes wandering about, no risk of looking up and seeing two (or more) people getting extremely familiar with each other next to you... it's public transportation as it should be. Safe. Hygienic and not likely to scar you for the rest of your life.

Then there's the privacy aspect. Now, I love learning about new cultures and hearing people talk about themselves - everyone has an interesting story, right? But when I'm sitting on the train with my bag splayed across the adjoining seat while listening to Paul van Dyk and reading my well-worn copy of Jane Eyre, those should be signs I'm not in the mood for random conversations with strangers.

Thankfully, here in New Zealand, my personal space and privacy is generally respected. Portland? Not so much.

What am I saying here? Trains in Aotearoa are pretty cool - one of the best parts about living here, actually. Yet I'd be remiss if I didn't mention some of the issues.

For one, there's a lack of stations. A big city like Auckland, Wellington or Christchurch should have a light rail station on just about every CBD block, and long-distance stations with daily connections to every community on the North and South Islands with at least 10,000 people and/or 50,000 sheep.

And rail to the Auckland Airport? Good on Labour for promising that now, but that should have already been a thing three or four decades ago.

We also need to have a serious kōrero about the frequency of trains. The Auckland metro area has a population of about 1.5 million people.

So why, pray tell, is there only ONE train every half-hour on the Western Line going between the city centre and suburbs like Mt Albert in the evening?

If the trains came more often, one could reasonably assume more people would use them, because then they could be just as quick as driving or catching an Uber - not to mention quite a bit cheaper.

Like it or not, New Zealand is going to continue to grow. Easy solution to meet the growing infrastructure demands: get more trains.

To that end, the Government's proposed fuel tax is a great idea; despite the proclamations and rending of garments by some apparently peeved Aucklanders who think it's the end of the world, paying an extra ten cents per litre of fuel will almost certainly not bring about Armageddon.

I may basically be the piniest piner who ever pined for nostalgia, but I really do think we can learn a lot from Europe for making New Zealand a more efficient, friendly place.

Some folks might think otherwise, but I personally believe transportation is a human right. If we want to keep things chugging along, we need more trains (and a leadership team to manage those trains that's diverse - sorry not sorry Auckland Transport, but having nine men and just one woman on your executive team is not OK, at all).

Just so long as they're kept from devolving into literal barnyards. Ever seen a ferret on a leash on a train? It's surprisingly terrifying. And stinky.