As an oncologist, I have advice: Don’t wait until retirement to enjoy life

An oncologist says one of the main lessons he's learned from working with cancer patients is to fully enjoy life now, rather than holding off for retirement. Photo / Getty Images

Here are five things my patients have taught me about living meaningfully.

I specialise in treating older adults with cancer. As a result, I’ve been privileged to help people at crucial turning points in their lives. I’ve witnessed triumphs of human spirit and moving lessons in how to live meaningfully.

I’ve also tried to be a good student and take notes from my patients. They are the best teachers a doctor could hope for. Here are the lessons they’ve taught me.

1. Work on fulfilling your dreams now

I see it every day: My patients work all their lives, save for retirement and look forward to their golden years, when they can spend more time with their family and do what they enjoy most. Soon after retirement, though, they’re diagnosed with cancer.

The median age of a cancer diagnosis in the United States is 66, according to the National Cancer Institute. This is almost exactly the same as the US statutory retirement age of 66 or 67.

So don’t put off the activities or experiences that bring you pleasure, assuming you’ll have the opportunity to do them while you’re collecting superannuation. Take family time now, travel and create special memories. That’s what my oncologist colleagues and I do.

Cancer patients often regret putting off their dreams, thinking they had more time. Photo / 123RF

2. Take the pulse of your relationship

Early in my career as an oncologist, I started keeping notes on my patients who had been married for more than 40 years. Over the course of two years, I logged their answers to the question: What’s the secret to a long marriage?

Many said that you need a sense of humour, or that it’s a lot of work.

Some refused to answer, preferring to move on to discuss the logistics of treating their cancers.

Others answered with brutal honesty - saying, for example, that they “couldn’t find anyone better and had to settle”.

Then there were those who had a more affectionate reaction. They would look sheepishly to their partners, who in turn would return their gaze. Often, they would take hold of each other’s hand. One of them would answer: “I don’t know. I just love her.”

That’s the kind of relationship we should all strive for.

Ask yourself what you would say. And whether your partner would stand by you in such difficult moments. The answer may even have an impact on your health.

One study published in the journal Cancer found that divorce or separation occurred for patients with cancer at the same rate as for the general population. But for women, the risk was sixfold higher. And those who separated or divorced during their illness were more likely to have a lesser quality of care and quality of life.

A long marriage’s 'secret' varies — from sharing humour to simply being in love. Photo / 123RF

3. Ask yourself: ‘What matters most?’

Part of my initial conversation with my patients involves asking about their goals: for cancer treatment and for their life. Some patients don’t want therapy for their cancer, preferring to spend as much time at home with family as possible. Others tell me they want treatment so they can maximise their chances of living long enough to reach a momentous life event, such as a 50th wedding anniversary or the birth of a grandchild.

One man, who was diagnosed with two aggressive cancers, had raised his granddaughter and wanted to make it to her wedding so he could walk her down the aisle. We treated him for leukaemia, and then for lung cancer, back and forth to get him to that day. I still have the photo of him, in a tuxedo, leaning into his granddaughter in her white dress, both smiling broadly as they made their way past family and friends seated in the church pews.

While you’re healthy, take a moment to consider what’s meaningful to you, and what you need to do to achieve that goal.

Many patients prioritise meaningful milestones over aggressive treatments. Photo / 123RF

4. Avoid behaviours that can cause cancer

My family has a history of cancer, so since medical school, I’ve taken steps to mitigate my own risk. I limit my alcohol intake. I avoid sugary drinks, fast foods and ultra-processed foods. And I exercise daily.

I’ve heard people refer to this as a “boring life.” But when I meet my patients soon after a cancer diagnosis, almost all of them ask if there was some lifestyle behaviour that could have caused the cancer.

A study from the American Cancer Society published in 2024 estimated that 40% of new cancer diagnoses in US adults ages 30 years and older were due to modifiable risk factors. When the cancer can be linked to lifestyle factors, my patients usually express deep regret.

While activities like smoking and moderate alcohol intake aren’t guaranteed to lead to cancer, their association with cancer risk is clear. Any pleasure I might derive from them is far outweighed by my own fear of developing cancer.

Reducing alcohol, ultra-processed foods, and sugar can significantly lower cancer risk. Photo / 123RF

5. Even during difficult times, be kind

You would think that patients in the throes of a health crisis wouldn’t care about how I’m doing as their doctor. But often, I’ll walk into the clinic room to talk to a patient with cancer, quiz them about side effects to treatment and their general wellbeing, and perform a physical examination. When I finish, and there’s a lull in the conversation, some of them ask:

“But how are you doing doctor? How’s your family? Are you taking time off for yourself?”

Sometimes we’ll laugh at how the room dynamics suddenly shift. But it’s also true that being kind can be good for you: Kindness has been associated with improved social connection, satisfaction, and reduced depression and anxiety, and with wellbeing.

I’m always appreciative and deeply moved that someone who is navigating a life-threatening diagnosis takes the time to focus on the people around them.

Mikkael A. Sekeres, MD, is the chief of the division of hematology and a professor of medicine at the Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center at the University of Miami. He is author of the books When Blood Breaks Down: Life Lessons from Leukemia and Drugs and the FDA: Safety, Efficacy, and the Public’s Trust.