Just no! Don't pop that collar. Photo / Getty Images
Just no! Don't pop that collar. Photo / Getty Images
Much can be discovered about a person by their clothes. But as ever, there are sartorial signposts and wardrobe tell-tales that reveal much about a person's hopes, dreams, aspirations and social position.
Follow my new guide on key social fashion faux pas to avoid to ensure you stay "en trende".
Popping your polo shirt collar
A polo shirt is a versatile garment, ideal for casual weekends lazing about at home during warmer months. Some even opt to wear these out of the house but elect to "pop" the collar (wear it folded upwards) to give a perceived "preppy" look.
But be aware that this does not achieve what many think it does as those who choose to "pop" are generally those who have not attended a private school (even a minor suburban one).
Those who did attend such a school wear the collars down as they don't feel the need to flaunt it.
The tie clip
Nothing shrieks "spiv" more than a tie-clip.
Fine to wear them if you wish to look like a try-hard candidate from The Apprentice but they are now de trop and a superfluous accessory that should be avoided, please.
Nothing shrieks 'spiv' more than a tie-clip. Photo / 123RF
Branding
Are Armani paying you to advertise their clothes? How much is Polo Ralph Lauren sponsoring you, chappie?
If any clothing manufacturer or designer logo is bigger than the size of a thumbnail then you really need to reconsider your outfit.
You are not supposed to be a human billboard for the brand and you're making yourself look gauche.
Less is more... or preferably none at all.
Buckles on suits are a no-go
Is that a fallen satellite I see, blinding all who catch sight of it? Oh no, mea culpa, it's just your belt buckle.
What does that huge, king-size monstrosity do that a smaller, subtler equivalent can't? Perhaps it's compensating for something?
Side note - belts should not be worn with suits. Instead, braces should be worn (button fastened ones, never clip-on braces).
Top pocket hankies must be worn correctly
A top pocket handkerchief (a pochette, if you want to impress) is an optional accessory for a man when wearing a suit, but to remain safely in the realms of the English PLU it must never be a straight across fold (yes, I know the Duke of Edinburgh does this but it is technically wrong) or show the edges of the handkerchief, even if they are decorated.
You want to have it arranged into a plume, and nothing else.
Make sure to wear your top pocket hankie correctly. Photo / 123RF
Wedding banned
Men of the aristocracy do not wear jewellery. This used to include wearing a watch, but modern life has meant that watches are now excluded from this rule.
But when it comes to a wedding band the rule has not changed. Prince William upheld the tradition when it was announced on his wedding day in 2011 that he wouldn't be wearing a ring.
(Women - if you now shriek the roof down that this means the man is going to cheat then you need to take a better look at your relationship, which is clearly not as secure as it should be.)
Gentlemen do not undress for dinner
One of the (many) signs of a true gentleman is that he never, under any circumstances, removes his dinner jacket. This also applies for the bow tie, which is hand-tied, of course.
So many events (often seen in advert-riddled regional magazines featuring 'society' pages) see men arrive dressed more-or-less smarty and then whip their jackets off before heading to the bar for a pre-dinner drink. Why bother getting dressed at all?
The 'James Bond' look of the bowtie hanging down the shirt at the end of the evening may be consciously shunned, too. Let's put it this way, the Bond in the original books never did this. The Bond in the (American-produced) films does.
You can leave your hat on...
...well, you can't, actually. Not if you are male.
On pain of death, a man must remove any hat (fedora, bowler, trilby, flat cap, baseball cap, beanie) when entering a building. The exceptions are lifts and hotel lobbies, where it may remain atop the head if the overcoat isn't removed.
Women, on the other hand, may keep theirs on as their hats are part of the whole outfit, not accessories. BUT - there is a time to take them off - 6pm, to be precise. Then it's tiara time.
Women may keep theirs on as their hats are part of the whole outfit. Photo / 123RF
Hair today
For a man to be even considered socially solid the direction of their hair must be backward: brushed backward, and with little visible product. Hair that is brushed forward, towards the face is a sign of a lower-class haircut.
Younger, male members of the sprauncy set have recently adopted an 'upwards' style, where the hair is moulded pointing towards the sky. This is fine if under the age of thirty-five.
For women of the candlelight supper class, hair must never be 'long' after the age of forty, or thereabouts.
Black tights
The more modern trend for young women to wear black tights is popular but not acceptable. Thinner, more opaque tights are correct.
These black tights are not acceptable. Photo / 123RF
A little less mascara
What a relief it was to have the now Duchess of Cambridge come along many years ago to give impressionable girls a positive role model for their appearance.
The Kate Middleton look is always going to trump the Katie Price one of wearing half the Debenhams make-up concession on the face.
Any sign of underwear is a big faux pas
I don't want to see the elastic on a man's underpants, and neither do I want to see a woman's bra straps. Thankfully, now we are in December, this is a rarity but in the summer it's bra straps ahoy everywhere you turn.
Showing one's underwear is a sure way to seal your sartorial social segregation.
