An eye-opening day in Australia's biggest sex toy warehouse

Photo / 123RF

It's getting hot inside this vast warehouse in Brisbane, and not just because it's a 33-degree day and the roof is made of metal.

Around us are rows and rows of shelves stacked with every kind of sex toy you could imagine, and plenty more besides. From the most popular "rabbit" vibrator to hi-tech virtual reality gadgets, there are 7000 different devices for pleasure in this room.

This dizzying display belongs to online adult retailer, Lovehoney, a UK-based firm that's rapidly expanding across the world, particularly in the US and Australia, where its next-day delivery option has made it a massive hit.

And just in case you think sex toys are tired, it's seen a 29 per cent upsurge in global sales this year, from $76 million to a massive $98 million.

Australia's biggest sex toy warehouse has been open for six months, and staff in hi-vis jackets are hard at work packing deliveries seven days a week trying to fulfil the demand for Christmas, their busiest time of year, bar Valentine's Day. Their spicy advent calendar has been a winner.

The warehouse ships thousands of products around the country each week, wrapped in discreet plain brown packaging, while over in the office, a team of unshockable customer care agents answer eyebrow-raising queries on the company's unique 24-hour hotline.

THE DAILY VIBE

The concept for each toy is created by a crack team of designers in the UK, led by Paul Jacques, who spent years in military avionics making missile torpedoes for the British navy. He then worked for a company designing power tools. "I spent years trying to get the vibration out of things, now I'm trying to put it back in!" he told news.com.au when he called into the Australian office via Skype.

Paul's team create prototypes and work with factories in China who mass produce the final product, employing rigorous quality control tests to ensure there are no problems after they ship to customers in Australia. They've learnt from past mistakes. The Rockbox Finger caused some embarrassment for the usually shameless firm after it was panned by customers following its appearance on Lovehoney documentary Frisky Business back in 2014.

Paul admits the vibrator, which was based on a pumpkin carver, was "a bit rushed to market" and had almost "everything" wrong with it - too loud, too much power and moving parts that could pinch.

These days, he says he's found the perfect intensity in the turbo-charged Motorhead vibrator, after the late frontman signed off on the branding, on the condition the toy had a kick. "Lemmy would be proud of that motor."

'YOU FORGET WHAT YOU'RE SELLING'

If you think you've seen it all, you need to look through these warehouse shelves and visit the showroom, where the S&M-style Fifty Shades of Grey range is currently on display, complete with whips and restraints.

You'll find condoms, nipple clamps, bullet vibrators, crotchless underwear, penis pumps, c*ck rings, strap-ons, blow-up dolls and so much more you never wanted to know about.

The dildos range from soft versions staff say are often worn by female-to-male transgender people, to remarkable lifesize models of porn stars' members, to giant colourful novelty versions. Then there are the silicon moulds to help you create your own at home.

It's exhausting.

The products cost anything from a few dollars for lubricant to a limited-run $24,000 gold-plated "seed" vibrator, which comes in an elegant leather pouch as part of the company's premium Coco de Mer range.

Practical-talking customer care specialist Dani Cayetano takes us through the latest products in the showroom. She used to work for a plus-size bra retailer, and admits she's become immune to the sexy side of her job. "You forget what you're selling," she says. "It becomes all about the battery life, whether it's waterproof..."

Most toys have USB chargers these days, batteries are on the way out. Many are app-controlled, with the We-Vibe connecting to your phone via bluetooth to be used with a partner via long distance.

Dani proudly shows off the vibrator that featured in Good Housekeeping magazine as the toy of 2016. Yes, that's how mainstream this has become. It comes with 12 modes, a travel lock and a travel case to recharge it in. Sex has never been more sensible.

THE FUTURE OF SEX

The most cutting-edge toys use brand-new technology to transform the experience of sex. The Womanizer and Satisfyer - which Dani notes looks like the otoscope a doctor would use to look in your ear - rely on air waves that create sensations through suction and blowing.

The Pulse, a "guybrator" for men, uses an oscillating plate developed for treating spinal injuries to send waves up and down the penis.

One of the most expensive, and bizarre, products is the $999.95 "twerking butt", which moves in time to music and can be used with 3D glasses for an unsettlingly realistic experience.

CEO Rob Godwin says the most up-to-the-minute toys can all be programmed through your phone to speed up or slow down when you want them to. "It's recreating the lovemaking experience," he told news.com.au. "The sex industry has always been at the forefront of technology."

As a former Sexpo boss, Rob's line of work can sound a little seedy, but it's obvious that improving people's sex lives and encouraging openness is a passion project for him.
While his uncensored comments are likely to make the uninitiated squirm, he earnestly believes in the company's sweet, Google-esque tagline: "The sexual happiness people."

The aim isn't to replace real sex, he insists, although if someone wants that, he's not about to judge anyone. "Our customers are mainly suburban couples with kids, or young couples getting their first place, looking to expand their sex life," he says. "It's normality.
"There's been a massive evolution in the products, but there's always a case for intimacy and physical human contact - you can't replicate that. We're here to enhance it."