Now, I could say many things about why this idea is ridiculous. Of course men and women can be friends. But the most crucial part is not only admitting this, but also recognising how valuable male/female friendships are. My male friends calm me down, make me laugh and remind me no one gives a shit about some, no all, of the things I'm stressing out over.
But I also think girls help their guy friends. A while ago I was having coffee with my guy friend, and he was telling me about a girl he had slept with. He'd felt confused the morning after (Should he call? Should he not? If he didn't would she think it was a reflection on her? But was he ready for this? But was he being a dick?)
I asked him whether he'd talked to his mates about it. He looked at me like I'd suggested sacrificing a raven and joining a satanic cult.
"That's a girl thing," he said. He's right. Had it been me, the next day would have been back-to-back coffee dates to dissect how I felt, how he felt, and how my coffee choice reflected my subconscious emotional state.
No, it turns out guys don't talk about that kind of thing. "I'd only ever talk to my girl mates about, like, my emotions and crap," he said. I've heard that before from my guy friends. Girls are more comfortable talking about how they feel. But it's not just emotional intimacy. It's physical intimacy too. I spent two hours yesterday sitting on my friend's lap, crying into her jumper. That would not happen between two guys.
My girlfriends and I hug, tickle each other, give neck massages or just the odd pat as we walk by. It's a way of reminding someone you love them. But men generally don't get the same freedom to touch or be touched.
One of my most gut-wrenching memories is sitting in a strip club, surrounded by guys who looked like they just wanted a hug. For all the talk of bromance, most men still can't give or get hugs, neck rubs or reassuring pats without fear of being effeminate. And they certainly can't admit they feel a bit shit and would like a hug. They might as well ask for herbal tea and a Downton Abbey box set to boot.
But they don't feel any less lonely, grumpy or sad than women. Every human feels down sometimes. Yes, they may not want the same amount of physical and emotional intimacy that women do. But that doesn't mean they want no intimacy. Everyone likes to feel a human touch now and then.
Personally, I blame gender stereotypes. They've had a pretty good go at reducing and belittling women for a good few centuries now. But they don't just affect women. They attack men to. The idea that men have to be unfeeling, unemotional and unattached can be just as cruel. It refuses to admit that men can feel more than horny or hungry. Stereotypes work to reduce both men and women to less complex, sensitive, humane beings.
And that's why I think male/female friendships are so goddamn awesome. They can be a chance for guys to feel everyday intimacy. I'm not saying guys don't have great friendships with other guys. I'm just arguing that having conversations with girls lends itself to chances for guys to admit they feel shit. This can only be a good thing, considering that men are both less likely to seek help when facing issues such as depression and have more than double the suicide rate of women.
So, instead of bagging them out with cool scepticism, can we just admit that these friendships are kick-arse?
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