KEY POINTS:
Childhood Christmas performances were my earliest connection between food and drama and one of the only creative outlets left to me, as I had been banned from every other party in the parish for insubordination and subversiveness. At 10 I had no idea what these words meant, but at least I had three tenured actors in the form of my younger siblings and there were two more to come.
While Nana lay down to recover from half an hour of Joseph forgetting his lines, Mary in a paroxysm of holiness, a shepherd farting and screaming with laughter and the baby Jesus getting out of his crib and crawling off the set, we threw ourselves into setting the table for Christmas dinner.
Mum to me: "Get the white tablecloth please. The lacy one."
Me to Keriann: "Get the white tablecloth. The lacy one."
Keriann to Mum: "What white tablecloth? Why do I have to get it?"
Mum to Keriann: "Do what your sister asks."
Me to Keriann: Sneer.
My mother began cooking the Christmas chicken three hours before the event, which was only correct in 1959. In those days chicken was an expensive treat and you went to the chicken farm to pick the bird out. Everything was free range.
"Dad, why does the chook have its head on still?"
"It's a cry for help."
"Dear!"
"Sorry."
The ham was cooked on the day and served hot, the chicken was roasted to within an inch of itself, the vegetables carcinogenic timebombs and the onion sauce nice and gloopy. The plum pudding was home-made, hung for weeks then steamed in muslin for hours and served stuffed with sixpences and threepences. Dad threw brandy all over the mysterious dark mound and lit it with a match so that mum could find her way to the table because the electric light had yet to be invented.
But this is 2007. If you can't face turkeys or hams for Christmas dinner, a wonderfully special and fast thing to cook is duck breasts. They can be marinated or simply sprinkled with sea salt and freshly ground pepper and grilled on the barbecue so the frying smells don't disturb the tranquillity of the house. Serve them medium rare.
Here's my suggestion for a glamorous but work-light Christmas dinner. Start with my friend Tanah's tall drink composed of vanilla vodka, ginger beer, lemon juice, mint and lots of ice.
Sit down to bubbly and hot or cold smoked salmon. Throw the duck breasts on to cook and serve them with accompaniments you have cleverly prepared earlier, such as a new potato, fresh pea and mint salad; roasted vine tomatoes; fried courgette flowers with the little courgettes attached (order them from your vegetable shop) and a green salad with lots of little flowers in it.
Finish with an old-fashioned trifle which will remind you of the Christmases of your ill-spent youth and how lucky you are to still be here, celebrating with your long-suffering family.
Happy Christmas.
- Detours, HoS
