Immigrants bring new take on life, and death

Margot Schwass, writer and compiler of the book Last Words, at the Bolton St Cemetery in Wellington. Picture / Mark Mitchell

Mariam was a young, Christian Ethiopian refugee, working behind a Wellington shop counter.

One of her siblings had just died, and she felt the urge to do what would have been, back home, the cultural norm - shave her head as a sign of respect and mourning.

But she was too frightened to talk to her boss, thinking he and the customers would be put off by a bald head.

Encouraged by her refugee counsellor to broach the subject with her employer, Mariam was surprised to meet a respectful response.

The pair agreed Mariam would shave her head, but wear a beanie or scarf when serving if that made her feel more comfortable.

The anecdote illustrates the importance of communicating with others about cultural values, beliefs and practices, and why they are important, says Wellington writer Margot Schwass, compiler of Last Words: approaches to death and dying in New Zealand's cultures and faiths (Bridget Williams Books, $29.95.)

Commissioned by the Funeral Directors Association but aimed beyond its members, the book describes how New Zealanders of all backgrounds handle death, covering 19 cultures and 14 faiths.

Even among distinct groups, there is great diversity in how death is marked. Practices are much looser than labels might suggest, says Ms Schwass.

"Things aren't fixed. You can't fill out a checklist and say, if you're a nurse with a Muslim man dying in bed three, 'I've got to do this, this and this.' It's not going to be as cut-and-dried as that."

Ms Schwass thinks that although many people are aware of cultural differences, they are often too frightened of causing offence to ask someone from another culture what they need when there has been a death.

But they worry needlessly. The message she received from her subjects was that they are enormously receptive to questions and understand that others may not be aware of cultural niceties.

When death draws near

In Islam, death is seen as part of God's plan, says Ms Schwass, and there is a strong belief that only God/Allah can determine the moment of death. Consequently, some Muslims may not appreciate doctors' predictions. Muslims will often gather over a dying person to say prayers, to focus them on the afterlife they believe exists.

Dying Catholics may want a rite called the Anointing of the Sick, which accords God's grace to the recipient.

Among Methodists, "there is no concept of hell or purgatory ... and consequently no last rites", says Ms Schwass. But occasionally, "they may ask the minister to anoint them, hear their confession or absolve them of sin".

In the Cook Islands and in Fiji, says Ms Schwass, written wills are rare so much value is attached to last words.

The moment of death

Although Islam teaches a stoic acceptance of death, Muslims of some cultures display grief openly and loudly. Ms Schwass notes that among Somalis, the harsh imprint of nomadic life combined with Islam tends to produce stoicism.

Among Ethiopians, death is often marked noisily and, traditionally, professional mourners were hired.

Some Maori and Samoans believe the soul enters an afterlife at a certain place: respectively Cape Reinga in Northland and a cave in Western Samoa.

Haami Piripi, chief executive of the Maori Language Commission, grew up at Ahipara and Hokianga in the north. "Where I come from, the spirits of the dead pass through to Cape Reinga down to the beach between high and low tides.

"Wairua don't travel at high tide, and so nobody dies then ... without fail, our people die at low tide."

Ms Schwass says washing the body of a loved one is seen as an act of love and honour in many cultures, and increasingly among Pakeha.

That demonstration of respect can extend to digging the grave. According to Wellingtonian Zerai Mewos, in his native Eritrea there is a saying: "Have you dropped the stone?" - meaning 'Were you there to personally participate in the burial?' And it makes you proud to say, "Yes, I did that. People want to respect the dead: they do the digging, they wash their hands and then say goodbye."

Farewells

New Zealanders seem to increasingly prefer funerals as celebrations of life rather than gloomy dirges of death, says Ms Schwass. This surprises some migrants - a Chilean woman says her culture's approach to death is unmitigated tragedy.

"Coming to New Zealand and finding people at a funeral telling jokes about the deceased and being affectionate and being funny - that was a real shock to them," says Ms Schwass.

Cremation or burial? People have very deep-seated beliefs about which is appropriate. "I was surprised at how vehemently some people saw the alternative as an awful thing."

For example, Islam requires that the dead are buried - cremation is forbidden. In contrast, Hindu teaching calls for swift cremation, so the body can be returned to the elements and the soul achieve separation from the body.

Buddhist tradition also calls for cremation, but someone who has died an unsettled death - by suicide or accident - may be buried to "let the spirit settle and accept the death of the body", says Ms Schwass.

Islam asks for same-day burial, but practicalities such as post-mortems means that often can't happen in New Zealand.

Muslims are usually wrapped in a simple shroud which eliminates all distinctions of wealth, status and gender and are buried, coffinless, with the head facing the holy site of Mecca in Saudi Arabia, northwest from New Zealand. Jewish dead are usually buried, the body in a simple hand-sewn cotton or linen garment.

Migration has also intersected with culture and religion to create changes among Chinese New Zealanders.

"Chinese people I interviewed talked about ... throwing rice into the grave - a tradition that had been lost but is being revived by new migrants coming in," says Ms Schwass.

Life after death?

Most Chinese believe in some sort of afterlife. Many prefer to be buried so they can enter the afterlife whole, and want to be interred at a spot with good feng shui - that is, chosen to enhance the energy flows of Heaven and Earth which are believed to influence one's life.

But the soul, say some Chinese, doesn't go to the afterlife immediately after death, so a family may "comfort" the dead with gifts of food or money.

Once in a coffin, jade, gold, coins or other precious objects may be placed on the deceased's mouth, hands or eyes.

The idea of a restless soul, says Ms Schwass, came through strongly in Pacific cultures.

"There was a sense that if you didn't honour a person properly in their death and burial, you would be left with the potential for a restless soul."