KEY POINTS:
The first time I heard of Waitangi Day 15 years ago, I thought it was a Maori festival.
I was working as a newspaper journalist in Singapore and received an invitation to the New Zealand High Commission to celebrate the day. In between glasses of New Zealand wine I asked Adele Mason - the then third secretary at the commission who is now the deputy director of the Asia New Zealand Foundation - to fill me in on Waitangi Day.
She described it as similar to Singapore's National Day, which is observed by the country in a big way.
In its lead-up, citizens are encouraged to fly the national flag outside their homes, schools sing community songs, and the media run stories of Singapore's achievements and screen national education programmes.
This culminates in a huge National Day Parade, a fireworks display and a party.
At the parade, community songs are sung in all four of Singapore's national languages - English, Malay, Tamil and Mandarin - and everyone sings, taps their feet and claps along. Not everyone understands the songs' meanings, but it feels right to join in. The day makes you feel good to be Singaporean.
After living in New Zealand for nearly 10 years I have realised Waitangi Day is nothing like Singapore's National Day.
I suppose the history of these two countries has shaped the way they celebrate their national days, and perhaps it has also to do with context.
Countries under threat, such as Taiwan, whose very existence might end if China has its way, and countries which were previously downtrodden and are seeing a sudden rise in fortune, like China, will use their national days to arouse sentiments of patriotism and nationalism.
Singapore, which has been through war, communism and communal strife and had independence suddenly thrust on it by Malaysia, will inevitably celebrate its national day differently from a country like New Zealand which has never seen war with external forces on its shores.
Tomorrow, instead of parades and parties, we can expect the usual protests from Maori activists.
And instead of talking about how we can take New Zealand forward, we are debating whether a Maori flag should be flown on the Harbour Bridge.
Ata Tino Toa, a Maori sovereignty group, asked Transit New Zealand for permission to fly the distinctive red, black and white flag. Transit said no.
The Maori group has since received support from high-profile people such as Ngati Whatua chairman Grant Hawke and Australia's former Commissioner for Indigenous Affairs, Kerry Blackman.
I do not have a problem with New Zealand having a Maori flag or having it flown on the Harbour Bridge, but because Waitangi Day is already marred by so much controversy, and a flag can be a powerful and evocative symbol of allegiance, I do not think it is the right day for it to be flown.
Blackman argued that in Australia, the Aboriginal flag is flown on some Government buildings and has become an acceptable symbol for Aborigines. But does that also signal to Aborigines they have no place under Australia's national flag? Does that not indicate that Australia is less inclusive of its native people?
Last month, some Australian media claimed that the country's national flag was being used as a garment of war.
They said that during Sydney's 2005 Cronulla race riots and the recent ethnic violence at the Australian Open tennis tournament, many of those involved were draped in Australian flags.
This prompted the organisers of Australia's Big Day Out music festival to ban people bringing flags.
An event organiser said: "The Australian flag was being used as gang colours. It was racism disguised as patriotism."
In 2004, I organised an anti-racism rally in Christchurch. The National Front organised a counter rally, and I remember one of its members waving the New Zealand flag and yelling, "This flag is ours, do you see anything that says Asian on it?"
So, what am I to do? Campaign for this country to recognise a New Zealand-Asian flag? Such a move would indeed reflect that New Zealand is a country divided.
The message Waitangi Day should send is that we are all New Zealanders, regardless of colour or creed, and it is here that we belong under the same flag. If there are objections to the way our flag looks, then let's work together towards changing it to one that is acceptable to all.
Comparisons between Transit's rejection of Ata Tino Toa's request and allowing the Team New Zealand flag to be flown during the America's Cup are bordering on ridiculous - though this example does go against Transit's argument that it flies only national flags.
But for a country which faces its only international battles in the sporting arena, it made sense to fly the Team New Zealand flag on the bridge during the Cup.
This sporting tournament brought about what even Waitangi Day cannot do - it caused New Zealanders of every creed to get behind the nation. For this reason, I would also support any call for an All Blacks' flag on the bridge during the Rugby World Cup.
New Zealand has changed, and so must the way our national day is observed. Our society is diverse, and the issues we face are far greater than those between Maori and the Crown.
We need to do more to give new Kiwis a greater sense of belonging and strengthen their roots in New Zealand.
We may not always agree with one another, but it is time we put our differences aside and turned Waitangi Day into an occasion where we celebrate and appreciate what we have around us, a day where people of all ethnicities who call themselves New Zealanders have an equal place under the Kiwi sun.
