Claire Trevett: It's like a waterbed or maybe it's not

When the little one in the bed says, "Roll over, roll over", and they all roll over, who will fall out?

In Parliament this week, the bed from the old children's counting song was the waterbed the Prime Minister likened the mysterious Whanau Ora policy to on Monday.

It was one of his more nonsensical analogies and began a week of an even more nonsensical hunt for details on the Maori Party's holy grail - a policy to deliver health and social services through private community organisations in a holistic way to whanau.

The week began with many wondering whether only Maori would lie in the waterbed, or whether anybody could.

Whanau Ora beds are made only for Maori, Mrs Turia had said last week. No, Whanau Ora was for all, Mr Key replied. There followed several days of media reports in which both stood their ground, all the while claiming they were saying the same thing as each other.

Finally, Mr Key wrote to Mrs Turia. Suffice to say that by Tuesday, Mrs Turia was also saying Whanau Ora would be a perfect solution for all, adding that this was what she had been saying all along.

Labour then set out to discover exactly what it was all these people would be joining up for. Labour didn't know whether to support it or not because it didn't know what it was or how it would work. It wasn't even on Wikipedia.

On Monday, the Prime Minister had said he knew what it was. It was like a waterbed and if you pushed down on one side without addressing problems, then the other side would rise. "And that's the issue, isn't it?" he winds up.

There is a silence while media consider this. He is asked when the Cabinet will consider Whanau Ora. "Don't know yet."

He is asked whether there is any timeframe in mind at all. "Don't know."

He is asked what it would cost and how broadly it would be rolled out. He doesn't know yet, but he's confident Whanau Ora will deliver results for New Zealanders.

Social Development Minister Paula Bennett was next to have a go. On Tuesday morning, she said the confusion was the media's fault "because we're kind of clear on where it is". She, too, was confident it would deliver results for New Zealanders.

She was asked to further enlighten the media.

"I'm late," she said. "Thank you."

On Thursday, Labour's Annette King seemed to have the answer. She read out a suitably jargon-filled description and asked Ms Bennett if it was correct.

Relieved somebody finally had the in-depth understanding that she herself had, Ms Bennett said it was.

Ms King then pointed out she had read out the definition for the "Strengthening Families" programme Labour introduced six years ago and not Whanau Ora at all.

She wondered whether anyone at all knew what Whanau Ora was: "[Ms Bennett's] own ministry's website has no clear definition, and even though she thinks it's one thing, Minister Turia and the Maori Party think it is another and the Prime Minister thinks it's a waterbed."

Meanwhile, Mrs Turia was also asked if the policy was like a waterbed. She hadn't heard of John Key's succinct, clear description, but hoped it would be the Prime Minister on the bed rather than the more-rotund Labour MP Parekura Horomia.

She later agreed that if Mr Horomia jumped on the bed, the Prime Minister would bounce straight off.

So it was that by week's end, Whanau Ora still made little more sense to onlookers than the advice tendered in that children's counting rhyme. Let's just hope the Prime Minister remembers to tie a knot in his pyjamas.