Tariana Turia: Connection the key to harmony

Tariana Turia

There is a British novel Howards End, written early last century, in which the central theme is a recurring motif - "only connect".

The central character shares her vision: "Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer."

Last week I learned about another form of prose, encouraging a new form of connection. The capacity to connect between tangata whenua and tangata tiriti (people of the Treaty) was aptly demonstrated at a book launch.

In a whare laden with whakapapa that gives character to the experiences of Ngati Whatua ki Orakei, the family of Pat Sneddon gathered to launch Pakeha and the Treaty, Why It's Our Treaty Too.

On one side, rich whaikorero, describing the history of Orakei; on the other the cheerful melodies of When Irish Eyes Are Smiling and Loch Lomond bringing the house down.

The author-turned-family-historian created a connection between the two in the way in which he introduced his family to the whanau, hapu and iwi hosting the event. He did so by making explicit the history between them.

He talked of his father playing cricket with Sir Hugh Kawharu - the everyday relationships of living together in this land.

But he also talked of a connection from the 1860s, when his migrant family berthed at Port Albert, Wellsford.

In recognition of the hospitality they received upon arrival they erected a plaque, thanking Ngati Whatua for their assistance in the settlement process.

Yet 150 years later at that occasion at Orakei, there were elderly relatives who bashfully admitted this was the first time that they had ever been on to a marae.

How did we get to a point in this nation by which our initial attempts at connecting, the mutual expression of manaakitanga, got left behind?

When did we stop appreciating the authentic sense of what is distinctive about each other? What made us stop wanting to connect?

Early in our combined history our ancestors struggled with the colonising project. Te Tiriti o Waitangi became the pathway for developing relationships between people of the land, and people who now call this land home.

Our ancestors trusted in a hope for the future, that we could come to have full knowledge of each other, appreciate the essence of who we are, and extend the hand of generosity to the other side.

Some of us have taken this literally. Over half of Maori relationships are with non-Maori. Our bedrooms become the site for negotiating Te Tiriti o Waitangi. And importantly, our issue will become the key to our future success in living together.

Another recent book, Skin to Skin by Carol Archie, delves into mixed marriages, describing the cultural confusion, racism and challenges that come from blending of cultures and blood.

Archie concludes that the key success factors for domestic relationships are just as vital for harmonious race relationships - mutual respect, effective communication, a willingness to compromise and connect, and constant hard work.

The spirit for connection was sadly lacking in the story of a probation officer who laid a complaint about Maori protocol, protesting that the seating plan was "degrading towards women" and that the "sexism" would set a bad example.

At a ceremony designed to farewell inmates, the officer felt instead inclined to disrupt proceedings, refusing to shift from the seat she wanted.

All of us have been in situations where the protocols adopted, the language used, and the practices observed may be unfamiliar.

Attending a formal dinner party and knowing which fork goes with which knife can seem daunting; participating in a requiem mass for a first-timer can seem like colluding in a mysterious ritual that everyone else but you knows the rules to.

The biggest challenge in any new and unfamiliar territory is to prevent the fear factor from taking over. Solutions are found in simple respect and a willingness to try.

It may be as basic as asking: "What spoon do I use now?" If respect is unable to be given, then it is best to remove oneself from the function, rather than disrupt the peace.

The same solution can be applied to race relations. Central to our future is cultural competency, having respect for people and culture.

If we can "only connect" to each other, sharing experiences and, in more and more cases, mutual relations, we may well avoid living in fragments and instead opt for "common-unity". A time, indeed, when we can all feel exalted.

* Tariana Turia is co-leader of the Maori Party