Denis Mark and son Chris pictured giving a new granite stone memorial at Weraroa Domain a quick polish a few years ago.
A major milestone has provided a Levin funeral director with a chance to look back at huge changes to the industry and the way people mourn loved ones.
Denis Mark was recognised for 30 years of service to the industry last month, and he and wife Kathryn were proud of their ability to diversify with the changing attitudes towards funeral services.
Mark said when he first became involved in the industry the majority of funerals were church-based affairs run by ministers or priests, run to a script with hymns and organised music.
"That's the biggest change ... the openness ... and it has come from the community as a whole," he said.
"Once upon a time you might have been told what was happening."
Nowadays, a funeral service was much more diverse and it was about having the flexibility to accommodate every wish.
"We are not dictatorial. It's whatever works. It's whatever fits. We ask families what they would like, it's not about us," he said.
"Of course there are certain rules, but ultimately it is about the family and their wishes, first and foremost."
Mark said every service was unique in its own right. Some mourning families might prefer to provide their own food, or to make their own casket, or don't wish to be embalmed.
But one thing that remained the same, in what was a family-run business, was their commitment to the community and pride in helping those in grief.
"It's an incredible privilege to able to help families who are at a very low ebb or through dark days. It's very rewarding being able to help someone get through a difficult time, even if it's in a small way," he said.
"It's what keeps me in the business."
Growing up, Denis Mark never thought he would take over the family business that his late father and mother Ian and Patricia Mark started in 1972.
He started life in the army and by the time he met and married Kathryn 37 years ago he was working as an engineer driver.
The couple moved from Levin and were living in Australia when he got a call one night from New Zealand from his father.
"He gave me a call one night because of health issues and needed someone he could trust, so we came home," he said.
"I was thrown in the deep end."
He soon qualified as a funeral director and also became a qualified stonemason.
Ian Mark was off work for a long time due to an ongoing battle with cancer. The cancer would return multiple times, and he eventually lost his battle in 2019.
Denis and Kathryn Mark bought the business outright 13 years ago. There is a team of seven staff, including their son Chris, a qualified stonemason continuing the family tradition as a third generation stonemason.
"Even though it's a business, it's a bit more than that. It's not an eight-to-five job. I missed a lot of family occasions in the early days and the kids paid a bit of a price," he said.
"But the kids have been brilliant. They understand. Right from when they were young if the phone rang they would turn the TV down. They have been part of it and always aware, and we couldn't have done it without their support."
Mark said he was fortunate to have a good team at I.C. Mark, who were brilliant, especially in adapting to the challenges bought about by Covid-19.
He also said he was also amazed at people who lost loved ones during the Covid-19 period, in what was a stressful time for the industry.
"We felt so deeply for people and were truly humbled by how they coped and how stoic they were," he said.
"People never complained and I take my hat off to them. They were so accepting, thinking about the greater good when they were going through their own crisis."
"To still be able to think of other people ..."
Meanwhile, Kathryn Mark with Lynda Timmer-Arends holds a grief support group that meets once a month to help people united in grief to find support.
There were 18 people at the most recent meeting. It was proving to be extremely beneficial to people struggling with grief and was another positive development within the industry.
"There was really nothing like that 30 years ago," she said.
"You can feel quite alone in your grief. These people are friends now. It creates deep friendships."
They also hold a candlelight service at Christmas for what can be a hard time for families, especially since Covid-19 lockdown period where some people were unable to mourn in the traditional way.
Away from the business, Denis Mark liked to either spend time with his grandchildren or head for the hills. He was a keen tramper and member of Search and Rescue.
"I like my alone time. You do need time to get away and clear the head," he said.
"It can get overwhelming. There are a lot of sad things that happen and it makes you think of your own mortality."
