We went to a fertility clinic, which is very expensive, and is a luxury I know not everyone can afford. We had tests and scans done, and much to our frustration, everything was normal. It would almost have been better if there was an obvious reason why it hadn't been working.
After about a year of trying, we decided we would get help. We tried a drug called Clomiphene, which I'm sure many couples are familiar with. It gave me headaches, made me feel sick and I had massive mood swings. We tried four rounds of this drug, to no avail.
At this point, it is so hard to not start blaming your body. I felt like I couldn't do what I was supposed to as a woman, I was pretty despondent to say the least, and my husband was feeling more and more helpless.
We worked through other options and with the advice of our doctor, were told that IVF was the next option.
Keeping all this in mind, we have been constantly fielding questions from people about "when are we planning to have kids?" "When are we going to start a family?", even the old "tick tock, you're not getting any younger". Each time I wanted to either sit down and cry or scream at the person asking that we were trying.
Every month we have been met with disappointment, and at least a couple of those moments when I found out we weren't pregnant I was on air. I wanted to hang out in the bathroom, pack it in for the day, but I had to come back and continue an entertaining show like nothing was wrong.
I'm not saying this because I want sympathy, I would love for people to understand why fertility and the journey to having a baby is a complicated and painful one for many couples. I was told by at least three of my friends that they were pregnant over this time, and at least a couple of those times I went home and cried, not because I wasn't happy for them, I just couldn't understand what was wrong with us, and how unfair it was that we had to pay for a baby.
So anyway, IVF was locked and loaded, we did all the necessary paperwork, we learnt how to administer the injections and were set to go. The next day the country went into lockdown, and it was all cancelled.
It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under us and again, and we were back at square one.
It was disappointing, but we remained positive because we knew we could start at a later date.
With that being said, I would like to share the news that Andrew and I are 17 weeks pregnant with our first child - an absolute surprise while we were waiting to start IVF.
We promised ourselves that if we were ever lucky enough to get pregnant, we would be genuine and honest about our journey. People struggle. Please be kind, and although your questions are sweet and innocent, it can be hugely painful for those on the receiving end.
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