Movies:
How to Meet Girls From a Distance
The winning idea in 2012's Make My Movie competition, How to Meet Girls From a Distance is an incredibly funny and sweet Kiwi romantic comedy. Set in Wellington and made in just six months, the self described "peeping Tom rom-com" asks how far would you go to get to know someone, before they even know you exist? Main character Toby has terrible luck with girls so, after finding the alleged girl of his dreams, he tries a slightly different, infinitely creepier approach. His dating coach Carl also deserves a special mention, as one of the funniest bare-cheeked NZ comedy characters to ever make it onto the silver screen. A hilariously eerie reflection of today's everyone-does-it-but-nobody-talks-about-it online stalker culture, it's a good reminder to keep your internet history cleared and your wall shrine-free. / AC
Where: Heartland at 7.30pm on Friday
Free to Air Shows:
American Ninja Warrior
Earlier this year a five foot tall, 45kg gymnast named Kacy Catanzaro became the first woman to complete the brutal physical test that is the American Ninja Warrior course. It was the best thing I've seen all year - supreme poise and strength overpowering a course designed to break people a foot taller and twice her weight. The news shot around the world, and Katanzaro rightly absorbed all the ensuing admiration. But the show deserves its share too - Crossfit meets Wipeout in a futuresport which delivers equal parts of its pleasures from the fiendish courses and the competitors' constant peril.
Where: FOUR at 7.30pm Friday
Sports:
Grand Slam of Darts Live from Wolverhampton / UFC 180 Werdum vs Hunt
Darts: it's not just something overweight beery men do down the pub. It's a professional sport overweight beery men do in front of thousands of other merry drinkers all over the world! The Grand Slam of Darts is the one annual tournament which unifies the two major pro darts organisations for a 10 day orgy of darts and beer. It really is compelling viewing, both for the oddly riveting quickfire competition and the competitors, who dye their hair strange colours or dress like idiots to impress the boisterous, sign and song-heavy crowd. The perfect way to spend a Sunday morning. That afternoon watch another bad hair enthusiast, New Zealander Mark Hunt in UFC 180. He's a late injury sub, and has had to drop a reported 20kg to make the upper weight limit, but Hunt is one of New Zealand's most charismatic sportspeople, a half-mad ball of rage in the octagon. He will probably lose, but will go down throwing haymakers at least. / DG
Where:
Darts: Sky Sport 4 at 8am Sunday
UFC: Sky Arena at 4pm Sunday
NZ TV:
Even My Pet's a Porker
"We're killing both ourselves and our pets with a diet laden with sugar, salt and fat. It's time to stop the rot as animal's owners make a cry for help." As it gets to the time of year where everyone starts angsting about bikini bodies and getting ripped for Rhythm and Vines, spare a thought for the cats and dogs out there suffering through packets of chocolate biscuits in silence. In a programme so quintessentially New Zealand that it almost sounds like a joke, vitamin enthusiast Lani Lopez visits overweight Kiwis and their overweight pets to point out that they are starting to look the same. They then go on a 30-minute voyage of fitness and nutrition together. It promises to be moving, shocking, informative - and probably more than a little bit cute. Who doesn't love a big fat cat? / AC
Where: Heartland at 7.00pm on Friday
Reality:
Photo / NZH
The Block NZ Finale
It's been a whopping 12 weeks since The Block NZ crew flailed into our lives - back when Quinn wasn't pregnant, Damo still had a decent pair of shorts, and nobody had cried yet. We find ourselves at the end of a long journey, amongst bespoke furnishings, questionable decor from Typo and a series of inexplicable challenges including rock-climbing and rapping. What a ride it has been. From the masterful expertise of Alex and Corban to the shambolic Quinn and Ben finally hitting their stride in the last few weeks, the results night is a must-watch. Friday night will be a two hour live extravaganza, and we will find out who sells their Point Chevalier abode to the highest bidder. Trust me, if there's one thing that's exciting to watch in real time - it's a real estate auction. / AC
Where: TV3 at 7.30pm Friday
Sky Pick:
Photo / Getty Images
Kourtney and Khloe Take The Hamptons
The latest Kardashians iteration kicked off recently, featuring Kourtney and Khloe residing in the Hamptons for three months, livin' large. This provided an opportunity for the world to get its jokes out. "I've done a lot of terrible things in my life but at least I don't have a favourite Kardashian," said one chap yesterday, and watched the RTs and faves roll in. Talking about how much we don't 'get' the Kardashians is one of the last great social unifiers in this fragmented world. My wife is a fan of the show, and I like her defence of it. "They'll talk about things which society says women shouldn't talk about. Vaginas, camel toes, breast feeding, leaking nipples. Women being interested in sex,"she says. "They also run their businesses while raising children, and support each other through those challenges. They don't try and make it look effortless. It's just refreshing to watch a show that's almost entirely from a woman's perspective." So you have to ask yourself: do the Kardashians have a problem, or do we? / DG
Where: Episode one plays on E! Channel at 9.30pm Friday
More Spinoff:
• Shorty St Scandal is a hilarious five minute recap of the week on the street.
• Alex Casey delivers a shocking interview with Wayne Anderson, star of Singer of Songs and one of most singular musical talents.
• Tara Ward has been writing killer recaps of The Block all the way through. Prep for tonight's auctions with her penultimate recap.
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