Hello. It's me. I was wondering if you'd like to know where Adele isn't No 1 in the world right now? Kyrgyzstan, Niger, Anguilla and Burkino Faso. And that's more or less it. Of the 119 countries that have an iTunes chart, Adele is at the top of 110 of them. And this is just one of any number of records that she broke last week: The fastest-selling album in Britain, ever. The fastest-selling album in America, ever. The video of Hello has already garnered half a billion views; she's shifted a million CDs - who even knew they still existed?
It is, by any measure, a breathtaking, astonishing feat. Adele, a 27-year-old who grew up in and around some of the poorer areas of London, raised by a single mother, is Britain's greatest cultural export since the Beatles. She's not a boy band or a supergroup - she's a singer-songwriter who sings the kind of songs that lesser talents churn out on an industrial scale and yet she, uniquely, has touched and been embraced by people young and old, hipsters and their parents, here, there, everywhere.
What is about Adele? It's an intriguing, elusive question that you're unlikely to encounter if you read her British reviews. "Five years on, Adele is still, metaphorically speaking, planted on her ex's lawn at 3am, tearfully lobbing her shoes at his bedroom window," said the Guardian. "That 25 is as innovative as a flip phone isn't a reason to criticise it," said TimeOut. "So here's one: it's a bit dull." And the Independent: "A slew of plodding piano ballads ... indulgent heartbreak writ billboard-large in songs like the frankly terrifying single Hello, where her phone-stalker pesters an old flame for the chance to meet up and 'go over everything', three words guaranteed to make a man's blood run cold."
They're all male, mostly middle-aged rock critics, but then I don't have to tell you that - it's right there in the copy and in the comment threads of every article that's been written about Adele recently. She's "tearfully lobbing her shoes" at her ex's bedroom window. She sings words guaranteed to "make any man's blood run cold". But then, perhaps the most astonishing thing of all about Adele's success is that she's a loud, powerful voice articulating lived experience.