I was a squashy and bookish teenager, with berserk hair and pimples that were bigger than my boobs. Hence, PE was as fun as giving a grizzly bear a body massage. Weekly, I was hauled into the Sweaty Pit of Squeaky Doom, the gym, to be shouted at for not trying hard enough.
It's probably why I hate perky pep talks like, "if you cheat you're only cheating yourself!" (Well, duh. That's why I did it.) But the only other memory it left me is being told, "this is how we get the J-Lo butt!"
This must have been roughly in 2010, just at the start of the modern phenomenon; the cult of the bountiful booty.
This exploded into teen Kiwi girls' consciousness in 2011, with Pippa Middleton in the royal wedding. But even before her shimmering white seat, having a plump rump was gaining popularity. Since Pippa, it's become a global craze, and everyone from Miley Cyrus to Anna Wintour has endorsed ample arse affection.
It's been particularly popular this fortnight. Iggy Azalea and J-Lo released their ambiguously titled Booty. Vogue wrote a watershed endorsement of the perky posterior. And Nicki Minaj is still generating flak over her, equally subtle, song Anaconda. (Haven't seen them? Watch them. It'll explain a lot.)