Oh, it hurt to watch last night's MasterChef episode, in more ways than one.
It hurt to see the four remaining contestants, Stu Todd, Tracey Lee Hooton, Jax Hamilton and Nadia Lim, whisked off to Melbourne in business-class style, lodged in one of the poshest places in town and then put to work immediately.
It hurt to think of them being stuck in the food capital of our corner of the world with no chance to linger in the lanes and cafes and gorgeous restaurants, dig through Fitzroy shops or lounge in style in Momo's. It hurt to watch them speed-shop in a screaming panic through the glory of the Queen Victoria Markets: the 30 minutes that they had to run in and out would not even give most of us time to sample the cheese hall, let alone an entire meal.
It hurt to think of anyone cooking outdoors on a rooftop terrace in 30C-plus heat with no umbrella or even hat for shade.
But great food doesn't hurt, and great it was. To make sense of their being in Oz, they were given Aussie-style food to cook with - kangaroo, wallaby, Murray River cod and Moreton Bay bugs. Guest judge, chef Damien Styles of Charcoal Lane helpfully pointed out that he was merely looking for perfect flavour and great presentation - no pressure, guys - and the four were dispatched on that hideous Intrepid Journeys-style sprint to taxis and bolt through the markets.
It was no surprise that our Kiwi cooks hadn't cooked with the famed Australian game and seafood, but the minute Tracey Lee crowed that she loved cooking fish, you knew there'd be a nasty twist in the tale. Stu - ever methodical - wasn't bothered by wallaby, reckoning its only difference from cow or chicken was that it hops.
Both he and Jax were nearly undone by the heat. Simon Gault hovered at Nadia's elbow reminding her how little time she had (sure enough, again only just squeaking in to get her Moreton Bay bugs on the plate). Tracey Lee glowed with pride at praise for her fish filleting skills. Tasting time damned them all, except Jax, with faint praise. Stu and Tracey Lee spent an agonising few minutes on the naughty chair, and we were then gratefully on to the next challenge.
This time Josh Emett marched the four into his former, gorgeous Gordon Ramsey's Maze restaurant, presented the chefs with the "Moby Dick" of fish, a glorious pink emperor and set them an invention challenge - at last.
It's been a while since we've seen the contestants create their own dishes, which, surely is the mark of a good chef. It wasn't too much to ask them to demonstrate three different cooking methods with their three dishes, but all four were panicking.
It was surprising to see poor old Stu stumbling. He'd clearly been shaken by being relegated to bottom two for his wallaby dish and seemed off form for the day - he managed to pan fry two out of three dishes, forget the dreaded seasoning (an old flaw we thought he'd overcome), put the wrong fish on the plate, miss out the Asian sauce ... it wasn't pretty. None of the contestants could fillet the giant fish - where's Cam the man when you need him?
The two attempts at raw fish dishes wouldn't even make the cat's saucer in Japan. You knew Nadia was overreaching when she described her dishes, but the judges raved about the fish balls in fish consomme, a pleasing nod to her Asian heritage, but undercooked fish is a major blue.
Jax was smart enough to dig back into her Caribbean heritage for her coconut milk-poached fish and vegetable curry. It's not often you see the judges elbowing each other out of the way to try others' dishes, and she well deserved her win for the two days' work.
And poor old Tracey Lee was given her last chance to emote to camera and to judges as she was shown the door. The concepts for her dishes sounded lovely - the Asian broth with broadbeans, the panfried fish with a pungent a la greque topping - but judges complained it was bland, boring and without soul.
But this competition is about big food. The three who remain were the hottest favourites after Cam and Fiona went home, so it's anyone's guess who'll be left by Sunday.
TV Review: MasterChef, Episode 11
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