Gender politics divide and rule as Celebrity Apprentice kicks off this Tuesday. By Deborah Hill Cone.
Old rockers make great TV. Basically, geriatric metallers are up there with children and animals when it comes to stealing the show.
Every Rose Has its Thorn was a great ballad for 80s haircut band Poison but lead singer Bret Michaels is probably better known now than he was when he fronted the band.
Michaels, who also had his own reality show Rock of Love on C4, is one of the stars of next week's new season of TV2's Celebrity Apprentice. Actually, without him and female rocker equivalents Sharon Osbourne and Cyndi Lauper there wouldn't be much to see in this study of gender politics.
Celebrity Apprentice divides the so-called stars into men's and women's teams and each team must choose the opposite gender's project manager for the first challenge.
Michaels correctly predicts the women will choose him because they think he'll be useless: "They'll be saying I've been stoned since the third grade." Bang on.
As the unfunny female comedian celeb comments: "Bret Michaels is basically a man whore". Yes doll, but at least he makes for great TV and with one-liners like that you hope that Michaels doesn't get knocked out anytime soon.
The first challenge is to run a New York diner, a task which gives the men's team the advantage since they have Australian chef Curtis Stone on board. Not so helpful is disgraced former governor Rod Blagojevich, fired for corruption. "I didn't do those things, by the way," seems to be his only line.
On the other side, the women's team has project manager Cyndi Lauper, chosen because "she's an artist, not a team player".
Celebrity Apprentice is as much about gender politics as it is about host Donald Trump, business or raising money for charity.
The Wellington bureaucrats who this week released a report bemoaning the lack of women in our boardrooms should watch this if they want some insight into why.
The female team, called Tenacity, backstab and worry about how they look in their publicity photos while the men get busy delegating tasks and putting them into action.
"Those women are some dumb bitches," says the forgettable female comedian. Sharon Osbourne isn't afraid to tell it like it is, either: "I can be the nastiest bitch in the world".
The flaky-looking Michaels, who uses more hairspray than the entire female team combined, still manages to look sharper than the self-obsessed women's contingent. Maybe those Beehive bureaucrats should get Bret Michaels down here to give our businesswomen some tips. Because the one useful thing Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice does teach us is that you should not judge a book by its cover.
Michaels may look like an ageing spinner but when he suggests his team should be called Rock Solid, he can't help but admit "I do have a T-shirt line by that name." Girls, take note.
Celebrity Apprentice debuts on TV2 Tuesday at 8.30pm.
