We are back for week three and we smell a merge coming – partially because numbers are getting down, but mostly because the fans are such a truly terrible team we know they can’t survive much longer.
At camp fave Lance Savali has a revelation that he is a person and in a camp with other people who he sometimes imagines he was. It feels like that time in 2016 when Kylie Jenner made it her resolution to realise things.
Dame Susan Devoy decides she’s ready for battle and that it’s time to play the game. She makes it her resolution to align herself with someone strong. Maybe Devoy might have an interest in someone who possesses the skills to imagine?
At camp fan, Dave Wardie battles to understand; “The power of the stone will be revealed in time,” which is uncovered as the message that came with a magic rock he and Alex King unearthed. Wardie wants to know if the clue means “In time? Or just in time?” King helps him realise it simply means “In time”, and we realise maybe Kylie Jenner was right.
Then Katie Middleton finds a message in a bottle and it reveals that my suspicions were correct and it was merge time.
But camp faves have no idea, as they play mouth blowing ping pong for their charities and Matty McLean’s eyeliner is absolutely on fleek. Ultimately Art Green takes it out and takes home another $5000 for Movember, and looks set to take the entire game unless somebody can stop him.
On the faves’ way back to camp they are greeted with every celeb’s nightmare – their fans have moved into their house while they were out.
Green plays the cordial host and fan Adam O’Brien is so relieved to now be with TrueBliss singer Joe Cotton and thus one step further away from his team. “I’d give anything to hear Joe Cotton snore,” he declares and Cotton issues a metaphorical restraining order.
Our sweet Middleton goes full fan girl and can’t wait to “unlock” the celebs “from characters to humans”. She reckons Savali is already unlocking himself before her eyes - clearly she knows an imaginer when she sees one.
Savali is not yet sold on being unlocked by Middleton, so she sets her sights on unlocking Devoy. “Oh that’s my mate’s mum, she’s a human,” she realises. This really is the episode of realising things.
Green, Devoy and McLean cannot believe that Savali has been unlocked so soon and take a moment to step outside and mull it over. And by “mull it over”, I mean take some time away so they don’t have a nervy-B.
Savali decides not to end the boy’s chat with a fans-style hand hug, instead Green ends it by committing to save Savali and McLean with the advantage he’s been given – the ability to save three people.
Middleton continues her love affair with Savali, who shows no interest in her spicy noodle dance, but has his interest spiked by milk running through intestines - you really had to be there.
He declares Middleton should next become a “cold grateful stingray” who is grateful she can still breathe and it’s honestly the best television we’ve ever seen.
“I like her,” he declares, and we cheer at what might be television’s most wholesome budding friendship.
It’s time for the first individual face-off and it’s tower building on the cards - literally - with Wardie taking home the challenge. However Green claims he let him win so that he could play his card tonight and save himself, McLean and Savali from being put up.
Green told the camera that he threw the challenge and let Wardie win. Photo / TVNZ
But Wardie walks away with a massage pamper package which he decides to share with King and Anna Thomas, so he’s also victorious.
Wardie has a tough time deciding who to put up during a lacklustre massage and ultimately decides to put Middleton up against Devoy. But the challenge is rope and balance-based and everyone knows rope is Middleton’s medium of choice, plus it turns out she used to be an acrobat. Could this be Devoy’s night to go?
Both women are championing causes that help women get back on their feet after hardship, so it’s sure to be a powerful battle as the two fight to force the other off their platform by pulling a rope.
Savali however points out that Devoy’s heart doesn’t seem to be in it and Devoy looks to be giving up the battle and letting Middleton win.
But then that competitive drive kicks in for the Dame and her tactical mind takes over and she wins the challenge, despite a massive show of strength from Middleton who left it all out there.
Middleton was eliminated after a tough day and even tougher battle with Devoy. Photo / TVNZ
She’s devastated and cries at the realisation that she didn’t win any money for her charity, Inner City Women’s Group, but she absolutely did win on this season of Treasure Island in so many ways.
She won when she showed others that it’s okay to be unapologetically yourself, to not necessarily fit into the mould, and to just say all the lovely and sometimes confusing things that pop into your head.
And we all won when she did her spicy noodle and made for the absolute best television - someone buy this show’s casting director a beer.
