KEY POINTS:
After 200 years, Debrett's is set to publish its latest edition of its acclaimed Etiquette Guide for Girls. For the modern woman, tips about how to behave in society may seem a little old-fashioned, okay a lot old-fash, but at a time when promo girls are sleeping with sports stars and flogging tell-alls, and Orangina no longer refers to the drink, perhaps it's more relevant than we think.
In the age of the Chavs and the Haves, a guide on how to dress and behave is tres apt, don't ya think? After all, money doesn't always bring good taste.
The latest edition is aimed at classying up the drunken, debauched, dishevelled and dumpy among us - and it lays out the rules pretty squarely. Here are a few of my favourites:
1. Fake tanning is very problematic. It not only reeks, but it collects in the hairline and eyebrows, on corners (knees, elbows and ankles) and in webbed bits (toes, fingers).
2. Indulging vanity publicly by partaking in excessive posing, pouting and preening will always appear rather desperate.
3. Even with years of experience, it is still hard to judge quite where alcohol turns from a social lubricant into a tool for total shame. Becoming rag-doll floppy or passing out in front of others is never sexy or safe and is wholly irresponsible.
4. You must strike a balance between hard and soft (neither the dominatrix look nor chocolate-box sweetness).
5. Don't over-expose. Sagging boobs in plunging tops are unsightly. Flashing bra straps on formal occasions is most disagreeable.
6. Never should a look include more than half of the following: necklace, earrings, hat, scarf, bag, sunglasses, headscarf, bracelet(s), tiara.
7. Never wear sunglasses indoors, in the pool, after dark, when talking to strangers or at weddings (so trashy).
8. Don't be in denial about your dress size: bulging out of too-small clothes does not grant automatic inclusion into that size. Clothes that are obviously ill-fitting are equally ugly.
9. Wearing tight white jeans always invites trouble.
10. Underwear as outerwear is a most regrettable fad. And wearing sheer shirts that reveal bras underneath is brazen exhibitionism.
If you find you're guilty of any of the above, then it's time to dob yourself in to the Fashion Police and plead guilty as charged.
Don't worry, you won't be alone. Quite a few of us will probably already be in the cells. Here are some of Spy's favourite offenders - I say fav because we love them, we really do, it's just Debrett's probably won't.
Meanwhile, in related bad behaviour news of the Tony Veitch kind, further allegations arose today in The Dominion Post that the One News star allegedly broke his former girlfriend's back in four places, which if true, is truly unfathomable.
It's hard to see how his image can recover from such allegations. It will also be interesting to watch how TVNZ deals with the matter from their original Tammy Wynette stance of standing by their man and allowing him to continue to work, to permitting him to step down amid a review of the allegations - all the while domestic violence ads continue to run on the network.
If execs at TVNZ have known about these allegations for some time - which is what has been attested - how could they have done nothing? Dear TVNZ: please explain.
Rachel Glucina
Etiquette rule-breakers? Pictured above, from left; Robyn Malcolm as Sheryl West (photo / Jane Ussher), Annette Presley (photo / Olivia Hemus) and Lucie Boshier (photo / Michael Craig).
