Unicorn blows us all away with her final performance. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
OPINION:
It's over - and now I can sleep at night without, "Who is it, who is it, who is it underneath the mask?" playing on a loop in my head.
But first, there are a few burning questions about the Masked Singer finale to answer. Who is it beneath the masks? What did Anika Moa write on that piece of paper? And how does anyone actually win this thing?
Pour yourself a glass of red and strap in, folks. It's going to be a long ride.
Tonight's episode starts with the judges squabbling about who's got the most points. I thought it was James Roque, but it seems his fellow judges have turned on him.
"At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I think of my performance, it matters what our boss thinks," judge Sharyn Casey reflects. Couldn't have said it better myself.
Woman-of-mystery Anika Moa is confident she knows who all of the finalists are, but she still won't tell us. And joining our three judges tonight is guest judge, Tami Neilson.
Bedazzled Unicorn is up first, singing Ike and Tina Turner's Proud Mary. Casey joins the secrets club and writes down her guess, running it past Moa before it lands in Roque's pocket. Roque, meanwhile, is stumped. Is he the only one in New Zealand who doesn't know who our bedazzled bestie is?
"Am I allowed to google it?" he begs in desperation. This man is unravelling before our very eyes.
We love every little thing he does - Gladiator Alligator swaggers back on to stage singing NSYNC's It's Gonna Be Me.
"You almost sounded like Justin Timberlake," Casey gushes, before repeating what she's been saying all along - it's Drew Neemia. Moa agrees, while Roque still thinks it's Stan Walker.
Neilson throws Ben Lummis into the mix. Will Roque finally get his wish?
Blue Penguin is up next with Pink's What About Us, backed up by dancers who appear to be stuck inside a set of pillowcases. Looks like the costume department got a bargain at Briscoes.
I'm too distracted by the dancing pillowcases to guess, but the majority of our panel seem to think it's Maisey Rika or Ria Hall.
Ria Hall it is, and absolutely no-one is surprised.
"It's definitely been an experience," she tells us, though she admits she's missed her babies. "It's been cool. It's been a beautiful experience."
I can only say, hat's off to this powerhouse of a performer, student and mum-of-three, who somehow made time to go on this zany show.
It's time for the finalists to go head-to-costumed-head in one last sing-off before the audience vote crowns a winner.
Bedazzled Unicorn sings Tones and I's Fly Away, and if we didn't already know there was a superstar hiding underneath this unicorn's horn, this proves it.
Here's where our judges start to gang up on James Roque. Sure, they all know who Unicorn is - but they're not giving him any ideas.
"Mr Bean," says Casey.
"Mary J. Blige," says Moa.
"Taika Waititi," says Neilson.
Roque is helpless. He tells us he's not just getting bullied on stage, but also in the judges' group chat on Instagram. And he still doesn't know who Unicorn is.
For his final performance, Gladiator Alligator croons Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah.
We know the girls love him, but today Roque admits he's got a "big time crush" on this alligator, too. "Bro, that voice is *chef's kiss*." I can't lie, I might have a crush myself.
Speaking of crushes, Neilson is still holding out for Chris Hemsworth. A girl can dream.
Alligator disappears and it's time for the vote. It comes as no surprise when the audience crowns Bedazzled Unicorn the winner.
But before we find out her true identity, it's time for runner-up Alligator to take off the mask.
He is, of course, Drew Neemia - who loved the first season of the show and was "stoked to be asked to be a part of it" this time around.
He also makes a shocking revelation - it turns out we've all been saying his name wrong... for his entire career.
None other than David Tua (shout-out to his biggest fan, Tofiga Fepulea'i) told him he should use the correct pronunciation of Ne'emia. So, let's fix that - Drew Ne'emia, everybody!
Finally, it's time to unmask our winner. Bedazzled Unicorn is none other than Hollie Smith herself.
She tries to tell us, "I've never won anything before", until Neilson reminds her of all those Tui Awards and Silver Scrolls she's got on the shelf at home.
The award-winning Kiwi artist just wanted to impress her unicorn-obsessed nieces.
And from the moment she burst onto the stage rapping Scribe's Not Many, to the time she blew us away with I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables, Smith kept us all guessing.
Well, not all of us. It's her name that's written on Moa's mystery piece of paper, it's revealed.
Meanwhile, Casey just wrote: "Get your own guess".
And with those words of wisdom, another season of this bizarre show comes to an end.
The entire second season of The Masked Singer NZ is now available to catch up on ThreeNow.
Your Fault (Culpa Tuya) is available on Prime Video from December 27. Video / Prime Video