Blue Penguin's performance reveals that penguins do have knees after all. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
OPINION:
Is this The Masked Singer semi-final or an All Blacks match?
Tonight, host Clinton Randell introduces our first performer with such speed, I'm wondering if he's got a sports commentating gig lined up for his next job.
It's fitting for this stage of the competition, because it's getting serious. Tonight, just four masked celebs will perform for our panellists Sharyn Casey, Anika Moa, James Roque and special returning guest judge Tami Neilson - and three will head to the finals.
Roque is still riding high on his victory from last week, while Anika Moa's strategy seems to be simply not guessing out loud. Alright then Moa, keep your secrets.
Unicorn is our first masked singer to perform tonight, singing I Shot The Sheriff complete with backup dancers kitted out in sports bras, fringed shorts, cowboy hats and boots. But not even the discount Halloween cowboy costumes can detract from Unicorn's performance - she surprises us every time.
Anika Moa reckons it's Lucy Lawless hiding behind the unicorn horn. Roque agrees, because Lawless did a production of Chicago once. Say what you want about Kiwi celebrities, they're nothing if not versatile.
Neilson disagrees, because this voice "isn't just a side hustle or a hidden gem - this is diva!" But instead of guessing, she's pleading the fifth because she knows too much "incriminating evidence".
"But your job is to tell us!" our host says - and for perhaps the first time, I agree with Randell. And as for incriminating, the only crime committed tonight is that fuchsia blazer.
Magic Monster is up next, singing Dave Dobbyn's You Oughta Be In Love. At this point, who isn't already in love with Monster?
It's Casey's turn to show off her detective work this time. She's got all the evidence that Monster is in fact Dion Nash. Not only does she rattle off her rugby knowledge to back it up, she's gone full stalker, digging deep into his social media to find links to the clues. "I've heard Dion Nash loves a good cookie," she informs us. Well, that's a dead giveaway.
She's gone Roque and we love to see it, but even he thinks she's gone too deep - or is he just jealous?
Next up is Blue Penguin performing Phil Collins' In the Air Tonight, finishing with a dramatic slide that proves penguins do in fact have knees. Still, it looks like it hurt.
And no, Roque, that is not "Phil Collins putting on a voice". Could it be Ria Hall or Maisey Rika?
Fourthly and finally, Gladiator Alligator and his sick moves are back, TikTok dancing to Robin Thicke's When I Get You Alone.
Casey is determined that Alligator is her celebrity crush Drew Neemia. Moa agrees but she's uncomfortable because she "feels like she's his mum".
Roque guesses Stan Walker, because according to the clues, it's not this croc's first time in a singing competition. Tami Neilson wants him to be Chris Hemsworth because "that's how Chris Hemsworth sings and dances in my mind". Hard to argue with that.
It's time for the audience vote. Randell reveals that Bedazzled Unicorn and Gladiator Alligator have made it into the final, leaving Magic Monster and Blue Penguin at the mercy of the judges. The panel agrees to keep Penguin in the competition.
So is it Dion Nash or "one of those people that plays sports", asks Neilson?
Monster takes the head off his onesie and it's... none of the above. Well, Neilson was close. It's former All Black Eroni Clarke.
"That is not Dion Nash," Casey realises, crushed - and honestly I'm crushed for her.
But Clarke is just stoked to be there.
"I was just sitting here thinking inside Monster here; 'Wow, they think I can sing, this is amazing!'"
If you think we're getting close to the end of this, think again. Next week promises us a look behind the scenes of The Masked Singer, which honestly looks more interesting than every episode we've seen so far - but I'll get back to you on that.
•The Masked Singer screens on Three on Sunday nights from 7pm
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