The Masked Singer returns tonight with another celebrity set to be revealed. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
The Masked Singer returns tonight with another celebrity set to be revealed. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
OPINION:
Guess who's back, back again. It's me with another recap of the Masked Singer that no one asked for, including myself. But we're five episodes into this thing now, so there's no turning back.
Tonight there are just four performances from our masked singers, with another Kiwi celeb set to lose their head in what host Clint Randell describes as an audition process for Monsters Inc: The Musical. Couldn't have put it better myself.
Joining panellists Sharyn Casey, Anika Moa and James Roque, tonight's special guest is Laughing Samoan and "King of Comedy" Tofiga Fepulea'i.
Bedazzled Unicorn blows us away with her voice. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
For some reason, this episode opens with Moa doing a frankly terrible impression of a penguin, which Fepulea'i says sounds like a "crying pig". Spoiler alert - it's not the only terrible impression you'll hear tonight.
Playing Mantis is the first masked celeb to take to the stage to perform Harry Styles' Watermelon Sugar. But Mantis' dance moves are so half-hearted I drift off into a snooze during the performance.
Judge Sharyn Casey thinks it's her husband Bryce because their son Tyson's favourite insect is a praying mantis and he loves Harry Styles. She's also never heard him sing and demonstrates how much of an awkward dancer he is.
Roque still thinks Mantis is Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords fame. Fepulea'i admits this is not what he thought he'd be doing when he got here. Yeah, look, neither did I, but here we are. He finally guesses it's boxing legend David Tua, because he's the Man-tis.
Next up, Gladiator Alligator takes to the stage and sings Ed Sheeran's Perfect, busting some serious dance moves in the process. And he's got Casey visibly flustered.
Shaggy Sheepdog and his squad of backup dancers. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
She can't even look at him "because I feel weirdly attracted to an alligator". I'm sorry, is this The Masked Singer or Sexy Beasts? Which, we can all agree, is a hundred times worse than this show.
And it's awkward, because as Roque points out, she is quite possibly married to Playing Mantis after all.
Roque says he's never been more scared and aroused at the same time. I'm sensing a theme here. Fepulea'i guesses David Tua, again. Okay, maybe there are two themes here.
Surrounded by what looks like a high school pep squad, Shaggy Sheepdog serves up a raspy rendition of Maneskin's Begging - is that meant to be a dog-related pun?
I told you there was more than one bad impression tonight - Casey's impression of a barking dog is terrible, but not as embarrassing as Randell's forest green waistcoat. Her words, not mine!
Moa thinks Sheepdog is Matt Heath, while Roque goes for Sam Wallace. Fepulea'i says it can only be one of two people: former All Blacks captain Richie McCaw, or ... David Tua.
Bedazzled Unicorn has, in my opinion, the best voice in the competition, and proves it when she belts out Selena Gomez's Lose You to Love Me to a spellbound audience.
Moa knows who this is, because apparently they've "spooned a few times", but refuses to say, and instead guesses it's Kimbra. Now there's no way David Tua can fit his boxer's bod into this costume, right? Fepulea'i finds a way and guesses it's his wife, Helen Tua. "Shot Helen!"
After all that, it's time to vote. Two Masked Singers will be safe and two will be at risk of being unmasked. The audience vote to keep Gladiator Alligator and Playing Mantis in the competition.
It's then up to the panel to decide whether Bedazzled Unicorn or Shaggy Sheepdog will be unmasked. Unsurprisingly, the panel plays it safe and decides to save Bedazzled Unicorn.
Sheepdog is about to be unmasked, but first, the judges have to cast their final votes. Tonight, they simply can't agree - is it Kita Mean? Jason Gunn? Sam Wallace? Leave it to Fepulea'i to pull a whole new guess out of the box at this late stage. "John Key."
And it's ... Mikey Havoc of Push Push. Photo / Warner Brothers Discovery
It's off with his head for Sheepdog, the removal of which looks like a difficult process. And surprise, surprise, none of our judges are remotely close to guessing correctly.
It's Mike, not Hosking, but Havoc of Push Push - who apparently "loves masks. And singing".
In fact, he and Moa recorded together not too long ago, which he's quick to remind her of. The first actual singer on this show, and the only actual singer on the panel got it wrong!
Better luck next week. Mikey Havoc performs a final time before Push Pushing his way off stage.
There are now just seven masked celebrities left in the competition. Tune in next week to see which one is next to lose their head - or whether I beat them to it.
