The Herald's Dancing With the Stars awards ceremony

Entertainment reporter, NZ Herald·Herald online·

18 Jul, 2015 08:27 PM5 mins to read

As the Dancing With the Stars season quicksteps to its gripping finale, it's time to look back at the best and worst of New Zealand's premiere televised celebrity dancing competition.

First, some cold hard stats. The average score of all dances over the season was 20.8. Only three couples scored above that average, and those are the three couples in Sunday night's final. Simon and Vanessa and Chrystal and Jonny both scored a total of 198 points to average 24.8 over the season, while Siobhan and Charlie totalled 196 to average 24.5.

Stats suggest the unluckiest couple was Colin and Kristie, who finished 9th despite having the 6th ranked average, while the luckiest couple was Ben and Krystal, who finished 6th despite having the 8th ranked average.

The most consistent finalists are Siobhan and Charlie. With a low score of 21 and a high score of 28, they were the only couple who never scored below 20. The biggest improvement was made by Simon and Vanessa, who went from a score of 12 in the first week to a 29 in the final week. But Chrystal and Jonny hold the record for the highest single score, with the show's first and only perfect 30.

Any of these three couples would make a deserving winner. But what about everyone else? Don't they deserve some recognition too? Let's get the deeply unofficial 2015 Dancing With the Stars Awards ceremony underway...

The Meads Medal for Bravery goes to...

Colin Mathura-Jeffree, for getting cornrows. While Simon dancing with a dislocated knee was a powerfully Meadsian act, the medal must go to Colin for heroically sacrificing the very thing he holds dearest - his hair - for the good of his team.

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The Mathura-Jeffree Cup for Outstanding Male Beauty goes to...

Simon Barnett, for looking like he's been living out the back of a Crossfit gym for the last five years, cycling 20km to work before sunrise every morning and swigging big gulps of protein shake every time Gary makes a cringeworthy joke.

The Netsafe Award for Misuse of an Internet Neologism goes to...

Dominic Bowden & Sharyn Casey, for perpetually describing Simon Barnett as having a 'dad bod.' Yes, he is a dad, and yes, somehow that is his bod - but that doesn't make it a dad bod. I mean, Sharyn is a girl, and she's Dom's friend, but Dom doesn't go around calling her his girlfriend. Their prize for grossly misappropriating a dumb internet buzz word is a bronze statuette of a sighing millennial teen.

The Peter Leitch Gold Meatpack goes to...

Shane Cameron, for dancing with a rare condition Hayley Holt described as 'Meat Hands' - a term which was quickly pounced upon by everyone on the show in a grasping attempt to coin a hot viral nickname to rival X Factor's 'Hat Beard'. Unbelievable that it never really took off.

The Chris Rattue Ribbon for Most Divisive Moment goes to...

Teuila Blakely's 'hip hop cha-cha'. Was the dance fun and the judges unfair in giving it such a low score? Or was it frivolous nonsense with no place on a serious ballroom dancing show? You were either for it or against it. It was the dance that divided a nation.

The Borat 'My Wife' Award for Most Mentions of a Spouse or Significant Other goes to...

Jay-Jay and Dom-Dom Harvey. As an aside, imagine if your workmate's husband came into the office and pulled down his pants to reveal a photo of you sellotaped to the crotch of his undies. Is that not an open-and-shut case of workplace sexual harassment?

Two Bottles of John Key Apology Wine go to...

Stefano Oliveri, for stoically enduring about 700 lame innuendos about his sexuality over the course of the season.

The Golden Microphone for Line of the Season goes to...

Pam Corkery, the people's champion, for "I'm in the car and I think 'I'm going dancing' and then I start to laugh hysterically." Funny self-effacing anecdote or desperate cry for help? Did anyone - Pam included - really know?

The Willy Moon Plate for Biggest Doppelganger goes to...

Ben Barrington, for unabashedly ripping off Freddy Mercury for his Another One Bites the Dust pasadoble. Willy would have been sick all over his suit if he'd seen Ben prancing around in Mercury's iconic Live Aid era outfit with such scant regard for originality.

Dux of Dancing With the Stars 2015 goes to...

Siobhan Marshall. She never put a foot wrong all season and always tried her hardest to please the judges. While literally every other dancer was more entertaining, Siobhan has had the last laugh, scooping the coveted title of Dancing With the Stars dux.

A Certificate of Participation signed by Candy Lane goes to...

Maz Quinn. While everybody else was quick to "fall in love with dancing", Maz looked like he absolutely dreaded every nanosecond of it. But to his credit, he still fulfilled his contractual obligation and showed up to dance for two Sundays in a row before being mercifully eliminated.