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Saturday night saw the country's top TV and film stars get dolled up to strut the red carpet into the Civic Theatre for the inaugural Qantas Film and Television Awards - the first time both industries combined into one awards ceremony (a bit like the British Baftas).
It started pleasantly enough. Oliver Driver opened Qantas wearing a captain's hat - ooh geddit? - while a specially constructed safety announcement played out on the big screen issuing demands such as, "no shagging or vomiting in the loos." It was so rock 'n roll, without, that is, any rock stars.
The stars that were there, in all their glamorous finery (more on that later), settled in for a night of achievements. TVNZ - sitting on the right side of the auditorium - prayed for some positive news that would distract from the Veitch-gate saga of recent months. TV3, on the left-hand side of the venue - the networks apparently need to be separated like a school yard sandpit offering each their own space and identity - looked all we're-really-not-expecting-to-win-it's-just-nice-to-be-nominated.
The operative word being "looked" because when it came to crunch time and One News was awarded Best News, I failed to see many TV3 hands clapping. Earlier on in the night, John Campbell could be spotted texting on his mobile when the lights went down at the start of the ceremony. Let's hope he wasn't telling wifey to put some bubbles on ice.
The Sensing Murder team won Best Reality Series and producer David Baldock went onstage with his crew (minus the psychics) to accept the award, and then launched into a lengthy unsolicited diatribe, waffling on about being taken seriously - by the media, I presume. I don't know, I wandered off. A bit like MP Richard Worth who could be seen nodding off later in the night. But I did witness Baldock rant "it would be great if the police did something about it" [psychic's tips], to which the audience groaned, the exit music started, and Baldock - wisely taking the hint - left the stage, at which point, Captain Driver announced oh-so-predictably, "I bet he didn't see that coming."
But the really sad (and unpredictable) part was Baldock's performance off-stage. He returned to his seat, near Jeremy Wells and the Eating Media Lunch brigade, locked eyes with the lanky presenter, lifted his trophy and spat, "This one's for you, Jeremy!" Oh dear.
Spy readers will recall last year's Qantas awards when Jeremy and his lips found themselves on the wrong end of an emotional Deb Webber who berated the star, then kissed him, all the while bawling about EML's episode Sensing Bullshit in front of yours truly. I had never seen anything like it. Neither had Wells. And guessing from psychic Deb's highly-charged and erratic performance, she hadn't predicted it either.
Other acceptance speeches were more amusing. Robyn Malcolm thanked her two sons; Anthony Starr thanked his two pets; Taika Waititi made some bizarre comparison between the trophy and a woman's "va-jay-jay", to paraphrase Oprah. And then there was Mark Sainsbury who made some over-the-top acknowledgement to his "friend Sir Ed" (they were friends?) but failed to thank his producers, who let's be honest, are one of the reasons behind the show's success. Not a wise career move, I'd have thought.
Perhaps The Walrus reckons now he has two best presenter trophies in the bag, his role in the Close Up hot seat won't be usurped. It's no secret Mike Hosking and Paul Henry are names that have been touted as possible replacements to Sainsbury. And it wasn't lost on the strawberry blonde either, who accepted his award from Henry onstage and rather ungallantly announced how much joy it gave him that Henry had to present the award to him. Reeeeoow! Henry the Quick Wit had the last laugh, standing behind Sainsbury, va-jay-jay trophy in hand, mockingly pretending to wallop him. The audience would have forgiven him for it. No one likes a sore winner.
But it was the frocks that were the true winner of the night. Miriama Smith looked gorgeous in a delicate peach shift with sparkly embellishments; Antonia Prebble rocked a maxi dress in royal purple (being the acting princess that she is); and Pippa Wetzell looked stunning in full-length fuchsia. John Barnett wore his NZ Order of Merit pin on his dinner jacket (bless); Jayne Kiely showed off killer legs in a tiny white halter dress; and Katrina Hobbs wore a black fringed cocktail dress accessorised by Banksie's press secretary - Nick Clelland-Stokes - on her arm, and at the after-party, latched on to her lips. Ooh-la-la.
Shortland St star Bonnie Soper won the young hottie award, bravely donning a micro mini silver sequin dress that screamed I-may-not-be-a-household-name-yet-but-I'll-steal-the-show-tonight, in that manner that Liz Hurley nailed so well wearing little more than a scrap of black cloth and a few safety pins circa Four Weddings and a Funeral premiere. Soper - the goody two shoes on the show - was Spy-ed slugging from a hip flask with two co-stars during the awards ceremony. The amusing bit was they skulled from behind the programme hoping no eyes could see them, but they failed to look directly behind and see one pair of beady eyes - mine - noting all naughty misdemeanours keenly. Bless their little cotton socks, they'll learn.
Alison Mau may have came as the plus-one to hubby Simon whose show was nominated, but she wasn't letting that stop her drawing attention to herself, but not so much in a good way. The Fashion Police had a field day fining her satin number, if only they knew what to clock it as. Was it a raunchy toga style? Was it a delicate bell-sleeved beauty? It wasn't a good night for Shorty St's Fleur Saville who rocked some bizarre cloth headband that looked more Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan. Her co-star Adam Rickitt wore some strange bug-eyed Bono specs; while the show's former story editor, Rachel Lang, insisted on clambering onstage - twice - with a big, cumbersome handbag dangling from her shoulder. Perhaps it contained the script to the next episode of Outrageous Fortune and she was worried it would be nicked if she left her bag at her seat. Who knows. It was a great night.
Check out some of the pics here. For full coverage and all the pics from the night, read Spy in the Herald on Sunday this week.
Rachel Glucina
Pictured above: Award winning cast and crew of Outrageous Fortune at the 2008 Qantas Film and TV Awards at the Civic Theatre. Photo / James Madelin
