SPOILER ALERT: If you've not seen tonight's episode of The Bachelorette NZ and want to do so without knowing anything of the foibles of the blokes vying for the affections of Bachelorettes Lesina Nakhid-Schuster and Lily McManus, do not even think about reading on.
Hey, can we steal you for a second? Because The Bachelorette NZ was back on our screens tonight. SINEAD CORCORAN recaps the action.
Good evening and welcome back to the absolute shambles that is The Bachelorette.
Last night we said goodbye to everyone's favourite Fabio-looking kumara farmer, and tonight another one bit the dust.
What was originally supposed to be a romantic, splish-splashing date at a water park turned into a true self-esteem nightmare – being broken up with while wearing togs.
READ MORE:
• Who bolts from the Bachelorette?
• The Bachelorette NZ recap, episode 24: Michael and Mike are both losing their rags
• The Bachelorette NZ: The Hot List week 7 - Who we think will win
• The Bachelorette NZ: Jilted bachelors hit Tinder
"It shouldn't be this hard," began Hot Mike.
"It felt like we were here for similar reasons but now I'm really struggling to understand yours. While on paper this seems ridiculous to walk away from, I'm going to go back and say goodbye to the guys and fly back to NZ."
Absolute mic/Mike drop, right?
"I know why I'm here, but I don't think she does. I don't think she's ever been completely honest with us or with herself," he said during his little interview thing.
"She gave nothing, but I hope she realises that to get what she wants she's going to have to figure a few things out pretty quickly. I'm really interested to see how this all plays out."
Aren't we all, cause at this rate Lesina's not going to have any bachelors to pick from at the end?
And the drama didn't stop there – later that day, Richie forgot he was miked up while he was bitching about Lesina to the rest of the lads.
"Lily is so open and honest and easy, while Lesina turns up to dates and it's like she's reading off a scripted card."
And in case that's not awkward enough, Gossip Boy then questioned Lily's motive for being on her fourth reality TV show by the age of 23.
"I can't believe she's another reality show, why does she need to do this to find love?"
Unfortunately for Richie, his nemesis Jesse overheard his bitching and later narked on him to Lily during their one-on-one time – so get ready for shit to hit the fan on Sunday night when she confronts him about it.
Even more chilling though, was Lesina's one-on-one time with Logan during which he whipped out a notebook full of song lyrics and "lessons he's learned" dedicated to her.
Oh, you're still not utterly sickened? Have I got the thing for you – he then proceeded to inform her of "the kinky sex stuff he's into," a detailed explanation so explicit that TVNZ had to bleep it out.
"She's in for a treat or in for a nightmare," he told the camera gleefully while pushing a grape into her mouth.
I'm going into self-isolation; I honestly can't bear this. Bye.
Tune in to The Bachelorette NZ again on Monday night at 7.00pm, and in the meantime subscribe to the official Bachelorette podcast, Can I Steal You For A Second – hosted by yours truly and my wing-woman Anna Henvest. Plus, follow along with us on Instagram for all our behind the scenes vids.
Every week we ask a well known Aucklander for their favourite spots in the city.