Sinead Corcoran and Anna Henvest reveal their survival tips if they were on The Bachelorette NZ.
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SPOILER ALERT: If you've not seen tonight's episode of The Bachelorette NZ and want to do so without knowing anything of the foibles of the blokes vying for the affections of Bachelorettes Lesina Nakhid-Schuster and Lily McManus, do not even think about reading on.
Poor sweet kumara farmer Michael was understandably at his wits end about the fact that he's been imprisoned in Argentina for nearly three weeks now and despite being in her top four, still hasn't had a single date with Lesina.
"I'm this close to throwing the towel out and saying sorry girl too bad you missed it, I need respect," he said, and Aretha Franklin would be proud.
The next day Logan and Jesse get carted off for another horse-riding double date. While Jesse absolutely nailed the cowboy cosplay, Logan had never looked more uncomfortable in his life and spent the afternoon jarringly bobbing up and down on his horse.
Big Horse Energy. Photo / Supplied
Classic Logan though didn't let that derail his unwavering belief in his sexual prowess, and took the opportunity to flex about what a saucy, dominant and well-travelled bloke he is.
"My inner confidence comes from travelling the world, I guess you could say I've been around the block, I know I have a really sexy side and I love being in control."
High on horse-bobbing, he then swooped in for a pash with Lesina, but horrors of horror she'd recently been snacking up a storm and was not prepared for post-trotting embrace.
"Omg, are you trying to kiss me? I have stuff in my teeth!" she shrieked. - and god knows, we've all been there.
Never-deterred, Logan pashed her snacky teeth but bravery aside, Lesina confirmed he is still Not Good At Doing Mouth Bits.
"Um, I guess the kiss is improving sliiightly, but the dynamics of his pashing really need work," she said, and if that grim revelation on national television is not enough to put you off ever applying to be on a TV show, best of luck to you.
The next day the rest of the lads got whisked away on a fishing trip, and Lesina made the very risqué promise that whichever bloke catches the first fish can pick "any prize they want, excluding a rose".
Will they even make it back to shore without someone having a nervvy b? Stay tuned. Photo / Supplied
Obviously Hot Mike caught the first fish because honestly if you were a fish you know you'd leap onto his hook the first moment you saw him, and he chose "one-on-one time" as his prize (snooze.)
He cashed his boring choice in at the cocktail party later that evening and, guess what guys, it turned out to be an absolute booby prize cause they ended up in the most awkward row.
She told him she's worried he's still not ready to be in a new relationship as he hasn't long been divorced, and he understandably barked back about the fact that she doesn't appear to be ready for one either – despite being in the starring role of a TV show designed for this very purpose.
The one where Hot Mike wins one-on-one time, but it's an absolute booby prize. Photo / Supplied
"You keep asking me if I'm ready, are you even ready?" he snipped. YIKES.
Hey Mike if it's any consolation, I'm absolutely ready - you just say the word.
Tune in to The Bachelorette NZ again on Monday night at 7.30pm, and in the meantime subscribe to the official Bachelorette podcast, Can I Steal You For A Second – hosted by yours truly and my wing-woman Anna Henvest. Plus, follow along with us on Instagram for all our behind the scenes vids.
