Sinead Corcoran and Anna Henvest reveal the truth about applying to be on The Bachelorette.
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SPOILER ALERT: If you've not seen tonight's episode of The Bachelorette NZ and want to do so without knowing anything of the foibles of the blokes vying for the affections of Bachelorettes Lesina Nakhid-Schuster and Lily McManus, do not even think about reading on.
Hey, can we steal you for a second? Because, after an explosive first week, The Bachelorette NZ was back on our screens tonight. SINEAD CORCORAN recaps the action.
I mean look, I think we all knew who was not going to make it through to Argentina boot camp.
It's hard to say whether Glenn lost his economy seat on the plane by way of angling for a threesome on national television, saying he could tell a fellow contestant was bisexual, or when he declared he still hadn't decided whether HE was going to pick Lesina or Lily. I'm going to go with all of the above.
Despite all of these outbursts though, I'm sure I can't be the only one who still felt bad for the guy when the tribe had spoken and he was told in front of everyone that he'd been #cancelled from the lads trip, #cancelled from the TV show and packed off back to his PT job at Les Mills.
And at the same time, I'm sure I'm also not the only person who's worried this show is going to be hella boring now without Glenn's kooky one-liners.
In the interim though let's move on, we're en route to Argentina babes, muy caliente!
On arrival the gals took their respective sports teams on separate group dates jaunting around the city, during which Liam stuttered to the camera like a glitching robot that he'd decided he's definitely set his robot eyes on Lily.
"Li - ly. Is. The. Compa-ti-ble. Match. For. Me." he beeped.
You ok hon? Photo / Supplied
Later that arvo during some divine looking glasses of rosé, Lesina decided her group date was the perfect opportunity to flex about Aaron being OBSSESSED with her - but thinly veiled it as concern that he's been ignoring Lily.
"As soon as Lily arrived she said you only have eyes for me, but at the same time, you still have to talk to her," she said to Aaron gleefully.
"I'm stoked that you noticed that, because that was what I was trying to do," he gushed, with "that" being completely avoiding Lily so she knows all his zillions of eggs are in the doctor's basket.
Lesina grinned and nodded because she knows she is now the proud owner of all of Aarons eggs, and at this point Aaron did the most perfect impression of a swoony, foot-popping Mia Thermopolis from The Princess Diaries.
Absolute goals with four Instahusbands - we should all be so lucky. Photo / Supplied
"If I had long hair I'd be twirling it." he sighed, while loveheart emojis basically spewed out of his eyeballs.
He also told the camera that it's no more Mr Nice Aaron now that he's caught proper feelings for Lesina.
"I'm not going to be sharing my cologne anymore. The boys can go out stinky."
Fair play mate. Do what ya gotta do, we're not here to make friends.
Poor Jonathan though has now replaced Silent Steve as the show's resident mute and barely uttered a word the entire episode, so despite the fact that we all know Lesina and Aaron are probably a sure thing – she charitably gave Silent Jonathan a single date shot, as he was clearly not thriving in the group setup.
They ambled off to go watch some sexy tango dancing but it all went devastatingly downhill from there. Jonathan launched into the most terrifying attempt at convincing Lesina he is Here For The Right Reasons – and manically babbled on about being keen to get married and have babies ASAP!!
Can you actually IMAGINE if the gender roles were reversed and Lesina said this to a man? If any woman said this to a man? They'd call the police immediately. Just another stunning example of how nothing men do is considered batshit crazy unless they are Glenn, obviously.
Across town Lily and the tweens were still sinking beers on their group date, and Lily decided to whisk Connor off for a one-on-one chat where it became abundantly clear he is most certainly in the friend-zone, especially compared to Tongue Skills Quinn
Later on at the cocktail party, Liam the glitching robot was once again malfunctioning, and choking out the most incredible lines.
"Welcome to my house," he stuttered while gesturing around an airbnb than had been rented by the TVNZ production team.
"I'm a photographer which means I see things through my own lens, I'm really cultured."
He then put all his eggs/cards on the table by saying if she picked him at the end he'd definitely be fine with leaving Hamilton and moving to Auckland (as if offering to leave Hamilton is a huge grand gesture, please, it's HAMILTON.)
Also - seeing as we don't have Glenn to provide us with incredible water cooler chat anymore – the show also executed a low to medium level scandal for this episode whereby Aaron told Lesina that Previously-silent Steve is a secret smoker (#notcool in 2020).
Bring back Detective Darryl we've got another case to crack - WHO NARKED ON SMOKEY-JOE? Photo / Supplied
Be the end of the episode Steve had found out Aaron narked on him and he was understandably livid because smoking is a yuck habit that he was hoping to keep under his hat.
He's now in a fight with Aaron for tattling on him, but honestly, it was quite a boring B plot compared to Glenn's kooky antics so let's just move on to the rose ceremony.
Lily picked Liam, Skilled tongue Quinn (obviously,) Jesse, Terence, Conor, George and Flynn.
Lesina picked Tavita, Aaron, Marc, Steve and Jonathan – and our poor sweet baker boy Kurt got shipped off back to NZ where he'll hopefully be shoulder-tapped for the next season of The Great Kiwi Bake-off.
Tune in to The Bachelorette NZ again on Sunday night at 7.00pm, and in the meantime subscribe to the official Bachelorette podcast, Can I Steal You For A Second – hosted by yours truly and my wing-woman Anna Henvest. Plus, follow along with us on Instagram for all our behind the scenes vids.
