Welcome back to The Bachelor where we kick off at the end of a rose ceremony that says ta-ta to four gals.
It's goodbye to Amanda, Freya, Kate and the commentary queen, Georgia.
Freya says, "He's a silly man". And walks out with her head held high. You go girl.
Georgia gives us one final giggle about being sent home with three other girls, "I didn't want to take them home", she awkwardly laughs.
And Moses feels bad, "Now I've done the first rose ceremony, I want to go home".
But as this is reality TV we waste no time dwelling on the goodbyes. Instead, it's hello to the first date and the first girl to be picked - Shivani.
The first date starts in the sky and in true awkward first-date fashion, involves weather chat about how beautiful the day is. Moses follows up with a dad joke and everyone - except Shivani - cringes.
He tries to make something called "Shakazoo" happen and someone should probably reprise the role of Regina George and tell him, "It's never going to happen".
The gorgeous couple end up back on land and everything seems to be going swimmingly until the double whammy hits.
Moses tells the confession cam, that there is a really nice friendship with Shivani and everyone at home suddenly remembers that brutal time their crush told them they were great friends. Ouch.
But the humiliation doesn't end there. Oh no. While on their picnic date full of very cute, flirty, "friendship" banter, Moses makes crickets chirp when he tells Shivani she has a booger up her nose. The poor girl handles it well and instead of running off into the sunset never to be seen again, has a dig around and informs our mistaken bachelor, it's her nose ring.
Phew.
Shivani and Moses have a heart to heart followed by samba dancing and Moses decides singing was definitely the right career for him. By the end of the date, no rose is given but that doesn't seem to dull Shivani's sparkle as she runs back into the mansion for a gossip sesh with the girl gang.
On arrival to Waitangi, the bachelorettes are split into Team Bachelor One (Art) and Team Bachelor Two (Moses) to compete in a waka ama race.
"He's got this look in his eye and I just want to beat him." Moses, honey, I love this testosterone but where is the friend in friendly competition?
Unfortunately for Moses, Team upper-body-strength Art Green wins, but Moses doesn't leave empty-handed, he gets one-on-one time with a bachelorette of his choice and Negin is the lucky lady.
Their chat gets serious fast with Moses asking, "What do your tattoos mean?" And Negin is probably thinking damn, take a girl to dinner first.
They bond over their belief that everything happens for a reason and despite how wholesome it is, Moses makes an executive decision that the roses are for him and him alone.
The group date ends and suddenly we are at Negin's wedding reception?
I'm as confused as you are until it ends up being a dinner with the bachelor and his bachelorettes.
Lou lights up the screen with her contagious smile and she and Moses awkwardly joke about possibly being related.
Kimi tried to shoot her shot but Moses made the whole thing extremely awkward and she slunk in her chair hiding away from everyone.
Samantha drops the bomb that she has no short-term memory, making Moses' ears perk up, so off they trot to a picnic bench to get to know each other.
But despite her best efforts, no rose is in sight. Such is the theme of episode two.
Lana gets her turn and reminds Moses he is very spoiled with his choice of women in the house. Their chat makes my heart warm and suddenly my love for Georgia has been replaced with Lana. She makes it clear that these women are here to collaborate, not to compete.
My heart is exploding. We love female empowerment.
Kimi shoots her shot one last time and succeeds. Moses tells Kimi personal things and Kimi, the poor gal who didn't know what she was in for, immediately wants to run away like your first emotionally unavailable boyfriend.
Finally, Art comes over to reveal it is time for the rose ceremony and I sigh in relief because the lack of 10 century-long pauses was making me anxious.
But you'll have to wait until next week to see who goes home, because, you know, dramatic endings.
• The Bachelor New Zealand airs 7.30pm, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday on TVNZ 2, and tune in to hear Sol3 Mio weekday mornings on Flava's breakfast show.
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