All I'm saying is he needs to ditch the cap. Photo / HBO
All I'm saying is he needs to ditch the cap. Photo / HBO
OPINION:
Thank the heavens above the Roy siblings finally got a reality check.
I was sick of seeing Kendall and Shiv look so smug, and they sure did get knocked down a few pegs on Succession this week. Since when did Roman become the most likeable character on this show, and why do I suddenly feel sorry for him? This is a cry for help.
Kendall - or should I say "bootleg Ross" according to some genius on Twitter dot com, tried to grasp on to his five minutes of fame like his life depended on it. He should have really had thought through his strategy, because "wanting to plant a flag" did not have the intended impact he thought during his confessional interview with a journalist. The line gave me more lame Halloween costume than moon landing metaphor.
It's almost like he was not concerned about how he was going to come across like the poor reporter in the stunning blazer suggested, because it sure did give Shiv and Roman ammunition to mock him senselessly. And that's not even addressing his "f*** the patriarchy" line as he marched up the steps of the Met with not a single scrap of self-awareness present in his brain cells.
Maybe time to re-think your approach, Logan? Photo / HBO
This episode is when the fabrics of the Roys' confidence unravels before our very eyes. Even Logan looks absolutely idiotic as he deploys his only tactic of "f*** them" at every obstacle in his way. That includes Gerri apparently, who deserves a medal for the amount of mansplaining she had to put up with as acting CEO.
You know who else deserves an award? The staff of the television show where Kendall pulls out of being the guest at the last possible second. I want to give that poor producer a hug.
I'm rewinding though, to discuss the myriad of terrible corporate ideas thrown around. And I'm not just talking about Tom relocating Greg's office to a storage closet.
Look, the town hall meeting was doomed from the beginning, even before Kendall's triumphant return to the office. Hugo needs to go back to copywriting class, because having the main tag line for the company's response to sexual assault allegations should certainly not be "we get it". I personally, don't get it.
Greg, Kendall buying you a Rolex that doesn't work is the least of your issues. Photo / HBO
Important question: is Tom actually okay? This is not a question of welfare but instead a general group think. He decided to offer himself up as a sacrificial lamb to Logan for clout, because a lawyer told him he was definitely going to jail. Fair enough, but did he see Shiv's look of relief when she realised she could live his life without him while he spends his days behind bars? The image is burned into my brain. "Another life is possible brother," as Kendall tells him. Maybe he wasn't just talking about Tom joining his non-existent company.
How is Roman of all people coming across as the good guy? Photo / HBO
Shiv's luck runs out immediately after that. Kendall pulls off an arguably genius prank in the middle of her big corporate speech with the help of some giant speakers and Nirvana's "Rape Me". I have never seen her look so broken before and I didn't blame her for declaring war shortly after she looked like she was crying and spat in Kendall's diary.
Kendall's latest obsession other than his ridiculous looking cap is of course, the spotlight. So when he caught wind that he was being roasted on live TV, he ran towards the fire and wanted to appear as a guest. I can only imagine Donald Trump watched Last Week Tonight With John Oliver in 2019 with the same level of glee.
Shiv met her match up against Kendall's boom boxes.
I want to circle back to the real victims of this episode, and that is the production staff on this show. I had second-hand stress watching the woman with the headset try to regain control as Kendall forced an awkward greeting on the writing staff. Never fear, because Shiv Roy is here.
"It's a Times New Roman firing squad," as Connor put it. One press release to rule them all. And it delivered. The colour drained from Kendall's face. And he managed to nearly drag the innocent television production down with him. Luckily, Shiv's passionate and fierce roast of her own sibling was more than enough material to let the writing staff off the hook.
But it wouldn't be Succession without Kendall somehow getting away with cold-blooded murder. The FBI decided right then was the opportune moment to raid Waystar Royco HQ.
"These are the ones that don't f***" off," Gerri reminds Logan.
And with that, Kendall wakes from his puddle of tears in the control room with a smirk so evil I cannot fathom what he will decide to do next.
• Succession S3 airs on SoHo Mondays at 9.30pm and from 7pm on Sky Go and Neon.
