KEY POINTS:
The strong, silent Kiwi bloke is an endangered species if author and and self-proclaimed world expert on body language Allan Pease is correct.
He says men (and women) who cannot get their message across will be left behind in a world where, increasingly, communication is key.
But he says there is hope for even the poorest communicator as anyone can learn how to charm others.
Pease and his wife, Barbara, wrote the relationship manual, Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps.
The book asserts male and female brains were "hard-wired" during a prehistoric time when men needed spatial skills and physical strength, while women needed to nurture and read people.
Not everyone bought into their theory but the book sold 12 million copies and the Peases have built a global empire involving videos, seminars, more books and a television programme.
The Peases arrived here on Anzac Day to hold seminars about getting along with neighbours, friends and the opposite sex.
The starting principle in their latest book, Easy Peasey People Skills, is that self interest still drives everyone.
Everyone wants to be complimented, to feel important and to talk about themselves. Pease says compliments work for everyone so long as they are sincere.
He breaks compliments down into being about behaviour, appearance or possessions with behavioural ones being the most effective.
A lot of the Peases' advice seems self-evident and yet many people have a hard time doing simple things - especially men.
Pease says thanks to evolutionary hard-wiring, women have all the natural advantages when it comes to communicating.
He estimates about 50 per cent of all men do not have good interpersonal skills and don't want or know how to improve them.
Such men have difficulty maintaining relationships and "women today don't have to stick around (if they're unhappy); they don't have to be dependent on men".
Poor people skills can also sabotage careers as "all business now is about relationships". Women have a natural advantage because of their relationship skills.
For men, successful communication does not mean thinking like women - it just means borrowing some of their methods. And men who are popular with women? "They understand better how women think and have strategies for appealing to them."
- NZPA
